Ghana - Day 5

Day 5

Today was another great day…starting off with getting to sleep in until just after the hotel boys brought up our breakfast to the balcony.  I think my body was screaming out for rest between trying to catch up from the lack of sleep on the plane, the late nights since we’ve been here, and each emotionally/physically draining day.

After we were ready to leave the hotel we walked down to the corner and caught a taxi to the home.  The hotel is about 2 km from the home and we could easily walk – but since I sweat like a pig in this humidity just THINKING about walking – I choose the ride!  One thing we learned very quickly is that in Ghana EVERYTHING is negotiable….even the cab fares.  There are no meters so it is important before getting into the car to make sure the cabby knows exactly where you want to arrive and how much the fare will be to get there.  From our hotel to the home, most fares have been 3 or 4 Cedi.  I’ve made a rule that if the cabby asks for 4 – I’ll give him 4.  If he asks for 5 – I make him take 3!  I figure 4 is the upper end of the price I’m willing to pay and if they’ll ask that amount I’ll believe them to be fair on their pricing.  If they ask for 5 I believe they see “American” and think they can pull one over on us.  That’s just my silly way of justifying it.  *Smile*  Plus, in speaking with the cabby I know the extra 1 Cedi I may be paying will mean much more to them than it will to me.  Not that we’re made of money, but their margins of operations are so thin that the 1 Cedi I give him may made the difference between breaking even or making money that day.  I asked our cabby last night what their costs were to operate the car.  They pay a $25/day rental to the owner plus have to make up the fuel (which is 30/35 Cedi a day) – so their total cost is 60 Cedi a day BEFORE they start making money.  At 3 or 4 Cedi, that’s 15 fares before they even make a cent.  That’s a busy, busy day to make a living.

We arrived at the home just after noon today.  Part of that was because we needed a little personal time to rest and be alone, but the other part of that was we’re wanting M & A to continue to build their trust in us.  We want them to understand that when we say we’ll be back, we will be back.  It already tears my heart to think of the day in the next couple weeks when we have to leave them here when we return home.  I ache for them and the thoughts that will go through their minds – will they really come back for me?  Was I ‘good’ enough they’ll want to take me home? – silly questions for an adult, but for an orphan child I’m sure they’re common thoughts.  We want them to know we’ll be back. 

One of the highlights of each day for me is to walk through that back gate and sneak into the courtyard.  The looks on all the children’s face when they see us is something I’ll use to help me through difficult days for years to come.  Today, M was the first child who saw us when we walked in and A was the second.  M ran for mommy and A ran into me so hard I about fell backwards.  There are fewer things in life more rewarding than a child’s smile and trusting embrace.

Pastor John and his wife, Irene's precious little girl, Johanna - 3 weeks old

M's latest idea for a sock puppet

Two hands, different colors, same family

The children were just finishing up their lunch.  Today they had spaghetti and red sauce, which they seemed to really enjoy (A had sauce all over his face and sweater – yes, I said sweater…we brought it for him to use in the hotel and he hasn’t taken it off since).  After they ate we sat in the courtyard and played with the kids.  Brandie and I had brought a couple of Nerf footballs with us so we pulled those out and I taught the boys how to throw an American football. It was fun to watch them try to figure it out.  Brandie pulled out fingernail polish and painted the girl’s fingernails and toenails.  Some of the boys wanted to get theirs painted as well and were a little put out that we told them ‘boys don’t do that’!  We improvised and pulled out a pen and started drawing talking faces on the boy’s hands (you know, the one where you put your thumb and index fingers together, draw eyes and a nose on the side of the of your index finger knuckle and then draw lips on the inside of your thumb and index finger).  The boys got a kick out of this and it was a good follow up to the puppets from yesterday.  They all chased each other around softly punching each other in the mouth.  I may have encouraged that (inadvertently of course) buy saying to Peter (in my raspy puppet voice), “Petah, geeve mee a keeesss!!” and then chasing him around with my hand puppet until I could ‘get him’.  All of the kids laughed and laughed and then started chasing each other around the court.  I love that such simple things will bring happiness to these children.  They haven’t had the business and ‘things’ of the world to warp their view of fun.  Sad to think how our kids at home would be bored with some of the things the kids here enjoy the most.  Damn the Wii and TV (except when BSU football or Sports Center is playing – then it’s blessed)!!

As we played in the courtyard the older boys came back from the market.  Our new friend Kitt had gone with them for the experience.  It was fun to listen to her tell the stories about what she’d seen, smelt and heard.  As the boys unloaded the car I could see they had bought a good amount of food for the days ahead and it made me feel good these little mouths would have enough to eat for the next little while.  Kitt had made sure they had sufficient money to buy some fruits and vegetables, which are a rare treat for these kids.  One of the items was a little watermelon.  If I had to use one picture to define ‘joy’ a picture of these kids eating watermelon and spitting the seeds at each other would be the one I’d use.  So much fun.

Around that same time our good friend Monica arrived back at the house with her three kids and John.  They had gone to town to meet with the Social Welfare directors about getting their adoption signed off.  I could immediately tell by the look on her face that the meeting hadn’t turned out the way she’d wanted.  She was discouraged, frustrated, and a little angry – all completely justified feelings in my book.  She’s been her for two weeks waiting/hoping/praying they could get to court and this was just one more hurdle for them.  We encouraged her to be strong and have faith.  She’s been such a support to us, it was only fitting we have the opportunity to return the favor.  Her and her husband are good people with good hearts and are following God’s will to get these kids home.  We’ll keep praying with them to see the miracles of heaven open for their favor…I know it will happen.

Today was the day we’d promised all of the older girls we’d take them to the cultural center and buy them new dresses.  The cultural center is like a big open flea market where all of the local artisans bring their goods in to be sold.  Most of the items there are souvenir in nature and the people there are EXTREMELY high-pressured sales.  This made the people in Tijuana and Cancun, Mexico seem like school children.  We were only there for a little over a half hour and it was nauseating.  Thank goodness Richard (big Richard, no little Richard) and Nana were with us.  They acted as our shields and kept us focused on why we were there.  We found the stall we like that had the dresses the girls were looking for.  I was so pleased that these girls didn’t shop like our American girls!  (only kidding!)  They looked at a few different styles and types of dresses and made their selections.  We found a handsome shirt and trouser set for A in a neat African pattern so we included that in the bunch as well.  Richard and Nana started in on the negotiations with the vendor.  In the end, we bought 4 dresses and a boy’s outfit for 90 Cedi (about $60).  They were all so beautiful and so proud of their new dresses.  It will be fun to see them all on Sunday when they get to wear them with pride.

We got back to the car and started making our way back to the home.  The cultural center was near downtown Accra, which was only 15 – 20 km from the home.  None of us realized we were leaving right around their rush hour.  OH MY GOODNESS!!  This was a lesson in patience if I’ve ever seen one.  It took us nearly two hours to travel home.  Cars were cutting in front of others, jetting out into intersections, and speeding through side streets to make it to the next corner before the rest of the drivers.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Even the 405 in Los Angeles doesn’t compare to what we saw…at least the drivers on the 405 are all headed THE SAME WAY!! 

There were some things we had to deal with on the way home.  One of those was the taxi overheated so we had to pull into a station and buy some more antifreeze – the Ghanaians call this ‘oil’.  It just so happened that the place we stopped at was adjacent to the only ‘fast-food’ place I’ve seen since we’ve been here.  It was called Chicken – something or other (I don’t remember now).  By this time it was after 6:00 and I knew we were approaching that nightmare hour where M & A would return into their bi-polar trance if we didn’t get food in their stomachs.  As soon as the driver stopped I jumped out of the car and rushed over to the chicken shack to buy a 5-piece bag of chicken for 10 Cedi (Boy, Colonel Sanders would be out of business!!).  Back at the car I handed each of the kids a piece of chicken to which they gratefully devoured and we were safely able to avert another emotional meltdown.

We arrived back at the house around 7:00.  The plan earlier in the day was to get with Monica and her three kids to all go into town to a restaurant that served American food.  Monica decided not to go and Kitt gladly took her place.  We all piled back into the taxi and headed back to Accra.  On the way we had an interesting experience.

It was now dark and because of the traffic our taxi driver was making his way along the winding dirt back roads.  As we approached one small intersection an 18-wheel truck pulled out into the intersection going to make a left-hand turn towards us.  We were trying to turn right onto the road from where the truck was coming…the only problem was there wasn’t enough room for both of us and WHACK!  The last set of the trailer tires ran up onto the bumper of our car.  Immediately the cab driver and several men standing on the corner started yelling.  This created quite a chaotic moment.  M was sitting on Brandie’s lap in the center of the back seat while I was sitting to the right of her next to the open window.  As the arguments in Twi escalated and the taxi and truck both revved engines and grounded rubber trying to untangle the wreckage M started to have a panic attack.  She started moaning nervously and struggled to climb out the window.  She was legitimately frightened.  I had my hand on her chest restraining her from climbing out the window.  It was all I could do to hold her strong sinewy body from breaking free.  Her little heart was racing wildly and her eyes were those of a racehorse right before a big race – she was scared to death.  I held her and kept telling her in her ear, “M, you’re OK.  Daddy will protect you.  You’re fine, nothing will hurt you.”  Finally we were able to convince her she was in no immediate danger.  Once calmed her poor little body trembled in aftershock of the ordeal.  I’ve never seen real fear in a child before then.  I wondered silently what must have happened in her past to invoke such a reaction to something as seemingly trivial as this.  It was obvious to me something was there – and she has experienced real fear before.  I held her tight against me for the rest of the ride in and reminded her we loved her and wouldn’t let anything harm her.

The cheeseburger and fries were nothing special by American standards…but this night it was a little slice of heaven on a dish!  It was such a melting pot of meals at this place.  Brandie, Kitt and I all had cheeseburgers while M and D had rice and chicken, A had Banku with Chicken, and Richard had chicken and tried French fries.  All of the kids liked the French fries (American fries as Tyson would remind me!) and we gave each a bite of the cheeseburger, but that wasn’t as popular.  Each of them wrinkled their nose and spit it out (we had to catch M before she quickly tried to spit it out on the floor again!).  :-)  It was a fun meal.  Extremely pricy by Ghanaian standards (110 Cedi for 7 meals, which would be about $70), but still a fun experience.

It was a great day today.  We made continued progress with trust and bonding with M & A.  We didn’t have any blow-ups, fights, or emotional breakdowns.  We did have the little incident with M, but I don’t blame her for this.  She was merely reacting to something that obviously stimulated a memory or fear.  It was truly a good day.

One thing Brandie is starting to struggle with is the emotions pulling her between wanting to be with her babies at home and be here to complete what needs to be done here.  This is starting to wear on her emotionally and I’m sure will only get worse as the days go on.  We talk with the kids each night via Skype and realize how much we miss them every night.  We’re SOOO grateful for our dear friends who have stepped in to help us with the kids at home.  It’s so comforting knowing we have nothing to worry about, but at the same time – it’s hard to not squeeze and love on them, to tuck them into bed, read them a story, and kiss them goodnight.  Soon enough, we’ll all be under the same roof and we’ll have six little faces to kiss each night.  God willing.

Things we need to work on still:

1.     Pee breaks.  No matter how many times I’ve seen it here – I still squirm when one of the kids jump out of the car and pees right on the side of the road.  No cover and just looking around like they were waiting on a bus.  At one point both M and D were squatting less than 5 feet from the car while I paced back and forth waiting for them to finish.

2.     Dinner etiquette.  Brushing food and spitting things on the ground are normal in the home here, but that may be frowned upon when we’re back at home.  Maybe just a little…

There are others, but those are saved for a later post.

Talk with you tomorrow.