Ghana - Day 6

Sorry for the delay on getting this post out.  We had internet issues last night and throughout today...but we're back.  On with the show....

Ghana Day 6

Well, I knew it was just a matter of time.  I mean, it’s only been something I’ve been dreading about since I knew we were to adopt.  Even before we knew who the kids were I was afraid of this day and I guess in my naïve thinking was hoping maybe, just maybe we’d be lucky and not have it show up.  But it did and today was the day it decided to be.  I’m talking about the day when I’d look to heaven and ask, “Are you sure this is something WE can do?”

I remember quite a few years ago I was listening to one of the leaders in our church talk about parenting.  A mid-aged mother raised her hand and said, “You know, I’ve been truly blessed.  I’ve never had a child stray from the Lord, or get into mischief, or have any run-ins with the law.  In fact, I can’t recall one single fight any of my children have ever had.”  I was a little taken aback at the boldness of this lady and waited to hear what our leader had to say.  I’ll never forget his response, “Well, it is my belief that the Lord sends the difficult children to the parents he can trust.”

I don’t know if that’s the truth or not, but I’ve often wondered if it IS true, then what Brandie and I were doing to deserve the four kids we have.  They really are the best kids a parent could hope for and rarely do any of them have a bad day – a bad hour or maybe a bad couple of hours, but never a bad day.  Did we do something or were we NOT doing something to cause the Lord to not trust us?  That was constantly something I was concerned with.  After today, I’m wanting to reconsider my thought process.

“A” had a really bad day.  And when I say “really bad day”, I mean a “time out in the morning, tantrum mid-morning, hitting, kicking, and biting mom in the evening” REALLY bad day.  It was the first day we’ve had to go back to the memory bank and draw on the memories and feelings the Lord had given us to confirm this was something we were to do….because there were times today that we wanted to just throw up our hands and say ‘to heck with it!’  Of course, we’d never do that, but it was very frustrating.  We realized today there are some deep inter-struggles the little guy is having to try and reconcile within himself.   I can’t imagine going from a family to being dropped off at an orphanage – then having some people from a far away land come who talk different, look different, act a little different, eat different foods, wear different clothes, and have different rules than what I’ve been used to.  Worrying about acting correctly around them, making sure they ‘like’ me, or how long are we going to ‘drag this out’ before I get dropped off again.  The pain these little guys are dealing with absolutely breaks my heart.

When we arrived at the home this morning A had already spent a little time in time out because he’d ‘beat’ another boy in the home.  We quickly swooped up M & A along with Monica and her three kids to come back to the hotel for some alone time.  At the hotel A decided to start acting like a little turd.  Throwing toys at the other kids, breaking toys deliberately while giving either Brandie or I the “what are you going to do about it” look, and then going into one of his “I’m not going to talk with anyone” fits.  We decided we all needed a break so we decided to take the kids swimming.  There’s a pool at the nice Ramada hotel down at Coco Beach resort.  I went and called a cab and when we returned to pick up the girls Brandie said, “You deal with him.” and pointed her head toward A who was up against the wall with his arm crossed.  I bent down and reminded him we’d talked about using his words to tell us what was troubling him so we could help him.  Nothing.  I picked him up and went to the taxi – he started kicking and acting a-fool.  During the ride he finally stopped bucking enough where I could talk with him.  I told him, “I do not like the way you’re acting.  I love you and I always will – even when you’re acting like you are now.  But we do NOT act like this in our home and you need to stop right now.”  At that point he took off one of his flip-flops and tossed it out the window of the moving taxi.  I took a deep breath as the driver stopped the car and while getting back into the car from running into on coming traffic to get the shoe, I said a little prayer asking Father to inspire me what to do.

At the pool he decided to start acting like we’d known him up to this point.  We all swam and had a great time.  M is a fish and didn’t want to get out of the water.  If it were up to her we’d still be there.

We came back to the hotel afterwards to get the kids bathed, dressed and something to eat.  I ran down to the store for some take out and when I walked back into the room I could have cut the tension with a knife.  Brandie gave me a very brief introduction into what she’d just went through so I sent everyone in the room down to the courtyard to eat while A and I had a little one-on-one talk.  He tried to pull some of the same stuff with me as he had with his mom, but I promptly let him know that would not be tolerated.  He continued so I put him on the bed for time out and let him know again that while I loved him I would not permit him to hit his mommy – she’s my wife and you will not hit her.  I told him to sit in time out until he wanted to use his words to talk with me – until then I’d be on the other side of the room reading a book.  Long story short, he finally snapped out of it and we were able to go downstairs with the rest of the family and enjoy a nice meal with the A we know finally back.

Back at the orphanage he asked if I could ‘take’ him for a little while (which in Ghana talk means hold me for a little while).  I took him down underneath the mango tree and just held him, telling him we’ll always be together, that we’ll never leave him once he’s home, and that our family loves him very much.  We rocked and hugged for about a half hour until he fell asleep.

I know this little spirit was just trying to figure life out today.  I know there will be more days ahead just like this one.  I have faith that Father will provide us with the wisdom to know when and how to act.  We’ve been given very good resources and some of the best friends in the world.  But with all of that – we’re still scared.  We know God will provide since we’re being obedient – but these are all very human feelings we’re having.

I promise we’re not being negative or are thinking anything but positive thoughts.  We’re still as excited as ever to get these two little sweethearts home, but at the same time – I’m a realist.

OK, enough about that.  I’ll get my counseling session with Anita soon enough.  J

We did have some other experiences today that worthy of noting.  Like, for the second day in a row we got into a car accident.  That’s always fun.  We were headed back from the home to the hotel and our cabby didn’t realize he had as much weight in his 1985 Toyota Corolla – I mean she was a beaut – but she just didn’t have the stopping capacity needed.  WHAM!  We smacked into the car in front of us.  The driver of the front car got out to meet the cabby.  They both looked over each car, shrugged and got back into the car.  And away we went.  No harm, no foul.  I couldn’t help but laugh.

On a positive note – M has continued to make huge strides.  She’s responding to our rules very well and we haven’t had anymore pouting parties for quite some time.  Today while getting into the bathtub she slipped and smacked her shin on the tub.  She came in and hid half her body under the bed (it was pretty funny from my perspective – I’ll I could see was a nekkid little black bum sticking out from beneath my bed).  My first thought was, “Oh boy, here we go again.”  I pulled her out from beneath the bed and asked her what was wrong – no answer.  I asked her again and said, “M, remember – use your words.”  She snapped right back in and told me her leg was paining her.  We rubbed it together, I kissed it better, then she walked back into the bathroom.  I was very proud of her.  I knew she wanted to react differently, but she’s trying to make adjustments and it’s being noticed.

We had a wonderful time at the pool with our good friend Monica and her three kids.  It was very refreshing to watch the kids play in a ‘kid’ setting and react just like all of our other kids.  It was also very nice to have all of the locals not give us “obrunies” (that’s their word for the whites) any funny looks.

We have been so blessed.  This has been the experience of a lifetime – even without the opportunity of meeting our sweet little children.  The Spirit has touched my heart so many times during this trip I couldn’t even begin to list the experiences of my heart.  I now have a very strong testimony about how much the Savior loves children and why in the scriptures it refers several times that we must become like little children.  God loves these little children – I have been blessed to see His love through my mortal eyes and to feel His love through my spiritual eyes.

“Firsts” of my life thanks to this trip:

1.    -    I’ve never had a cabby take a small detour while taking us home so he could pick us his “Girl” – only to cut another driver off, get chewed out, backup to try and pick a fight with the other driver, and then fight in some gibberish language we don’t understand with his “Girl”.  We made it home safely, but I’m starting to wonder if they make an insurance policy I can take out for taxi rides.  These guys take nutty to a whole new level!!

2.    -    I’ve never been the minority race – anywhere.  Until today I’d only seen two other white people this week.  Honestly, although though it’s fairly noticeable that my skin color is slightly lighter than others around me down here, I’ve never felt uncomfortable.  I think that’s a HUGE tribute to the people of Ghana and their culture of being the friendliest people on earth.

3.    -    I’ve never seen adults wear their underwear into a public swimming pool and have it be completely acceptable.  I don’t care where you are in the world – that’s just weird!

4.     -   I’ve never seen a good game of Rat Hockey.  That was one of my favorite firsts.

5.    -    Never had it be acceptable to eat with my hands anywhere – let alone in public.  In fact, some of the restaurants don’t even provide utensils.

6.    -    Never had to sleep on a bed without any blankets or top sheet, just a pillow.

7.     -   Never accidently swallow a “HOLY HELL” pepper and feel like my body was going to catch fire from the inside out.