Ghana - Day 7

Ghana – Day 7

I can not believe we’ve been here for a week already.  On the one hand time has flown by, but on the other hand, it seems like we’ve been here forever.  We’ve made some lifelong friends who we’ve felt like we’ve known since the beginning of time.  While we’re still learning each other’s buttons and personalities, it feels like we’ve known our kids for years.  There is such a comfort with them around – nothing akward or forced.  I consider this a great blessing.

This morning I found out that yesterday I didn’t get enough sun block on my white, bald head while we were swimming and I woke up to a painful sunburn.  The sun is so much more powerful here and I haven’t done a very good job of wearing the hat I brought with me.  Although, after the first couple days watching all of the children in the home pass it around and try it on (several of them with ringworm which runs rampant here) I’m not so sure the hat will make the return flight to the US…

Pastor John called this morning and said he would be at the hotel to pick us up.  He was coming over to make a reservation for another family coming in on Sunday.  The Miller family (we’ve not yet met them or know who they are) are coming in to attend court for their one boy.  It seems by the end of the week there will be a pretty good contingency of obrunies here!!  Shoot, two more white people here will almost DOUBLE our population!

We rode to the home with Pastor John and his driver, Nana.  Nana was our driver the night we tried to see if a Corrolla could fit under the trailer of a semi-truck (unsuccessfully, by the way).  It was fun to listen to John rib Nana about his driving skills.  Nana seemed to take it all in stride and not get too ruffled about it.

Once we arrived at the home we were again greeted in similar fashion as every other day.  I love to see that the children don’t tire of seeing us and still flash their big smiles and run our way when they see us.  M & A still try and tackle us when we arrive.

This day we’d told M we would go and get her hair done.  Around 11:00 we walked out the gate for the roadside hair dresser.  M had seen a little girl in the pool yesterday who’s hair she really liked.  I’d taken some pictures for reference to give the hairdresser.  The first gal we stopped at said she did not know how to do the hair this way and told us of another gal a couple blocks away.  She could obviously tell the look of confusion in our eyes as she gave us directions.  True to Ghanaian form she offered to walk us down and introduce us to the lady.  I’m so impressed with these people.  They truly are some of the most pleasant, nice people I’ve ever encountered. 

We arrived at the hairdresser’s home, which was directly adjacent to another orphanage.  The kids next door could hear some commotion happening next door and were curious to the new voices and weird accents they could hear.  Within ten minutes the sturdy tree in the corner of their courtyard was filled with little children curiously looking on.  The hairdresser was the first to notice the kids and giggled as she said, “Look at the little monkeys”.  (Side note:  That comment in the US could probably be considered to be racist, but here – there doesn’t seem to be any hint of racial struggle, which is a comfort).  The kids were very cute and very polite – simply sitting and watching as we sat there.

Funny thing about doing black girl’s hair – I thought we’d be at this lady’s house for two, maybe two and a half hours while she braided M’s hair.  Any of you that personally know me know how patient I am sitting in one place for long periods of time – so you can only imagine the amount of ‘ants in my pants’ by the time hour four started.  I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, but I patiently sat listening to the conversations and watching in awe as the lady did her fancy work.  It really was impressive.

About an hour into the process the kids started getting hungry.  Job (one of the boys in the home) suggested we go to market and buy them some food.  Brandie said she would stay with the children while he and I ran.  “A” is a daddy’s boy, spending a big chunk of his time with me.  He was not too pleased that he was having to stay with the girls, but I was concerned about filling our hands full of items from the market and trying to carry or walk with him home.  I explained to him we’d be right back and I’d bring him some food.  He looked like he’d understood and was OK with us leaving – not impressed, but still OK.

When Job and I returned to the home A was sitting on Brandie’s lap and both of them had ‘that look’ on their face.  It was obvious A had another blow up while we were gone and Brandie was trying her best to deal with it.  We are currently in a very sticky situation – legally we have no rights to the children until after court.  This is why we must have someone with us from the orphanage at all times, for our protection and the kid’s protection.   Brandie was doing her best to create a “time in” (a time where he’s just held and loved – rather than a time out where he’s put down by himself.) – she’s really done a great job studying and knowing how to react to these types of situations.  I’m grateful to have her along.

This little pouting session was bad enough that even Job (one of the kid’s favorite people) couldn’t get him to snap out of it.  Job even called Pastor John and held the phone up to A’s ear – nothing.  Job left for a few minutes and when he walked in Pastor John was with him.  I couldn’t help but giggle a little as A looked up and saw him – at that moment it was clear who was the boss.  I was so impressed with John.  He walked up to A and sternly said, “A – boogidy, boogidy, blah, blah, boogidy, bo.” (I tease John and tell him that’s what it sounds like to me – in reality he was talking to A in Ewe).  It was like John had magic in his voice.  A slowly walked over to Brandie and gently whispered “sorry”.  John told him to come and apologize to me as well.  As A walked my way he broke down and started sobbing.  He knew he was not acting well but he was only trying to deal with the confusion he was feeling inside.  It was a tender moment.  I looked at Brandie and true to her loving motherly nature, her heart was breaking for this little boy trying to figure out his new place in his life – tears streamed down Brandie’s pretty cheeks.  She was embarrassed to have cried in front of John (since it’s seen as a weakness in Ghana to show emotion) but it was pleasing to me to see her love for this child who physically we’ve only known for 7 days.  Everyday she amazes me…plus, she’s pretty hot too!  J

Once everything calmed down I visited with John.  I first asked him to teach me the ‘boogidy, bo’ he’d just used – I wanted to use that on my kids at home!!  We both laughed.  I querried him trying to glean understanding from his experience.  He said he’d never seen A act like this and it was his belief that he was acting this way because he was trying to get attention.  His suggestion was that if it happened again to just ignore him – and when he snaps out of it, then give him the attention he needs.  I’m convinced it might be an attention-getter, but I’m not so convinced that ignoring him is going to be the solution.  This is a little boy who has felt ‘being ignored and left’ I don’t want him EVER to feel like we’re going to do that to him.  The truth is, we never really know what to do, but we have faith in the Lord that he will grant us wisdom when we need it most.  I know this is just another trial Father has blessed us with.  We will be stronger and better parents once we’re able to work through it.  We did make a little progress with him today.  There was only about ½ hour of ‘bad’ time while the rest of the day was wonderful.  Brandie and A had a great time playing while M had her hair done.  They played Kung-fu theater, chasing each other around Karate chopping each other.

Four and a half hours later M’s hair was done and looked beautiful.  She was so happy and excited to show her friends.  As we left the lady’s house she said smiling big, “Thank you mommy and daddy for doing my hair!”  It was a good thing.

One thing we noticed when we returned to the home was that there was something going on between M and her best friend D.  D had been hanging around with us all for the last several days but today she was standoffish and wouldn’t make eye contact.  Brandie and I knew what was going on so Brandie asked M what she had said to D.  You see, the kids here are so possessive of their mommy and daddy.  If they feel ANY pressure that mommy or daddy are giving more attention to someone else they feel threatened and react in the only way they know how.  We’re certain M went to D and told her to back off (in many more pointed words).  We told M she was the one we’d chose to come home with us, that we loved her, and that she needed to not treat her friends poorly.  Talking with D we told her we were excited she’s going to be living by us and that we loved her too.  We’re hoping that tomorrow they’re able to mend the fence and everyone feel secure about their new roles.  Such a confusing time for these little guys.

At 5:00 we told the children we had a meeting with Mr. J, our AAI representative here in Ghana.  We were meeting him for dinner to discuss where our file was in the process.  We decided against taking the children with us.  Neither of them were happy we weren’t taking them, but we assured them both we’d be back in time to tuck them into bed.  A is so worried that we’re leaving soon he asks several times a day if I’m going to the airport.  I reassured him we were still here for a few days and I would tell him when I was going to the airport.

Our meeting with Mr. J went very well.  He’s a very enjoyable man with great understanding of Ghanaian culture, politics, and economics.  We had a great discussion over a beautiful dinner setting right next to the breaking ocean as the sun went down.  Of course, this was the ONE TIME the whole trip I’d decided to leave my camera home!  Mr. J told us our documents had all been signed by Social Welfare and that our court date was scheduled for tomorrow.  We were exctatic!  Then he quickly said, “But on my way here to meet with you the attorney called me and said the judge wasn’t feeling well and so she’s not coming in tomorrow.”  So, at this point it looks like our court appearance will be Monday.

We talked about timeline with Mr. J.  I told him we’d love it if we were able to have court, get our decree back and file our I600 before I left next Friday (this is a big undertaking since the decree will typically take up to 4 weeks to get back).  Mr. J said he would see what he could do and told us to schedule with the US Embassy an appointment for next Thursday for our I600 application.  We’re keeping our fingers optimistically crossed that we’ll be able to keep this timeline.  If we do, Brandie will get to return with me back to the states.  This would shorten her trip a week, save us some money, and get her back to her kids in the states.  A good thing all the way around.  We’re praying that Father will do his will and that hopefully that is for us to return to the states together.

After dinner we returned to the home to find two happy little kids just as excited to see us this time as they were the first time.  M ran and jumped into my arms so hard that I had to take a couple of steps back so I didn’t fall.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get tired of seeing those smiling faces run and jump into our arms.  We tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight.  As I left the boys room my new little buddy Peter (I would take him and Richard both home with me if I had room – I love those two boys!) said, “Daddy, pray over us.” I said, “OK, let’s say a prayer.  Peter, I would like you to say it.”  He said, “I can’t.” as he slinked back underneath his mosquito net.  I said to him, “What do you mean you can not?  Do you not think God will hear the voice of His little children that He loves?”  Peter thought for a moment and said, “OK, I will do it.”  He said a soft, simple prayer asking for protection on the children of the home and his mommy and daddy.  There is no doubt in my mind that prayer went straight through the ceiling and right into a special place in heaven.  I joined with Peter in my heart that night asking that God please bless these sweet little children and others just like them.

After the children were tucked in we went out to the courtyard with Monica, Kitt, and John to visit.  As we were talking something fell from the tree and nearly hit Pastor John.  I bent down to pick up a mango seed that had obviously been chewed on.  I could see the teeth marks and all of the fruit had been removed.  John looked at me and said, “Bats.”  I asked Monica to fetch my headlamp (she’d been borrowing to spotlight rats in the night!) and I scanned the tree branches until I found the glowing eyes of the culprit.  These fruit bats are HUGE!  It looked like a flying cat!  Luckily, they don’t eat meat!!  J

Emotions today:

-       We love being here with these kids.  It truly has been a little piece of heaven on earth.  I feel so close to the Savior as I sit in the midst of these children and see their smiling faces, minister to their little needs, and help them feel love.  At the same time, the longing for our four kids at the house grows hour by hour.  We miss them immensely and even though we know they are being tended to well by our dear family, we still want to hug and kiss them.  We love you kids.  We’ll be home soon.

-       My heart aches as we get closer to the day when we have to go to the airport.  A knows this is coming and with every time he asks it becomes a little more obvious to me how difficult this will be to them and us.  I think they understand we will return for them, but as we all know – children have a very short attention span.  I’m grateful our friends Kitt and Emily will be here for them when we leave.  That gives us a little comfort knowing they’ll be loved on.

-       Empathy for these kids.  They’ve been through such tragedy with the loss of their families.  Even though their culture tells them to be strong – the emotional breakdown A had today is evident there is still deep rooted pains these little guys will deal with.  They know we love them, but that can’t replace the ache they still have in their hearts.  No child should have to deal with that…life can be cruel.

-       Humility.  Each day I’m here I can’t help but thank God that He would trust us enough to be here and bring home two of these little kids.  I’m humbled that He thinks we can do this.  I’m humbled that we were privileged enough to live where we do and to have two parents and a loving family that were always there to support me.  I’ve taken for granted many times this fact for which I’m immensely sorry.