Ghana - Brandie's Last Day

Day 16 and on….

It was pretty hard watching Jason pull away and head for home.  I wanted to grab on to his leg and beg him to stay but I didn’t.  It was hard enough for him to have to say good -bye to the kids let alone having to worry about me.  The day after he left I took a little mommy time and slept in and then went to the market with the girls and Job to get some souvenirs while the kids were in school.  I needed this time just to put myself put back together for my kid’s sake. 

I decided that I would start gearing the kids up for when I had to leave.  So I spent the rest of the days hanging out with them at the orphanage so they could get back into their routines and eating the foods that they are use too.  I started to notice that if I would get there before lunch that they would refuse their lunch because they thought that if they didn’t eat I would take them out for lunch or I would go buy them Kankey.  This had me a bit worried.   Mighty asked if Daddy took all of the money when he left and asked if that was why we could not go?  Haha!  I told her it was because mommy just wanted to hang out with them and watch them play. 

The last few days at the orphanage were very laid back, but very exhausting as well.   When I am at the orphanage there are 40 + kids that so badly need and crave your attention.  There were times that I would just hold my arms above my head for a few minutes for a slight break because I would have 3 to 5 little ones pulling on arms, wrists, fingers, thumbs…. whatever they can get a hold of that someone doesn’t already have :-).  They would all be saying “take me mommy” which means they want you to hold them.  If you sit they all come running to find a spot on your lap, which consists of any space between your actual laps clear down to your feet.  Others are squeezing into your arms on your left and your right.  And those who lingered behind would find a piece of my hair to hold or braid.  So funny. 

They just want so badly to be near you…or on you.  During these moments it no t rare to feel the kiss of one of the children on my cheek or my arm or for them to say,” Mommy, is my mommy coming soon?”  Or  “Mommy, when you come back from America will you bring me my mommy”, or “mommy, I like your head”, “mommy, do you have toffee (candy) for me”, “mommy, are you leaving today?”, “mommy, can you stay until tomorrow?”  I love this, but by the end of the day I would find myself exhausted.  I always felt so loved by these little ones.  They never got sick of me. 

In the courtyard some of the other children would be playing with whatever they could find.   It amazes me how creative these kids are here.  Agbesi grabbed me by the hand one day and told me to come with him.  He wanted to show me something fun that he liked to do.  We walked over to a pile of leaves, tree needles and things that had been collected into a pile from their previous sweepings of the courtyard.  He picked up a leaf from one of the trees and starts tearing ever which way and then picks up a tree needle and punches hole in the center of his creation.  He then strips the needle in order to make it thinner, puts it back through the hole, and looks up at me with a huge smile and says, “watch!”  He begins to run with his creation held out in front of him and it starts spinning like a windmill.  He stopped running and looked at me again with his toothless grin, so proud of his accomplishment.  When the other kids saw him making this helicopter looking thing, they all joined in!  The little things that they come up with to have fun and pass the time of the days spent in the courtyard. 

Other things they did for fun?  How about an old torn garden hose - it made a great tow rope for a laundry basket.  Children were pulled all over the courtyard and sometimes thrown out onto the dirt while trying to go over the curb,  This hose was also used to make a swing from one of the big mango trees.  They also used it as a jump rope. 

An old tire, you say?  Take it to the dump, says you?  Naaaw - an old tire and two sticks was great fun!  They would stand the tire up and put a stick on the left and another on the right and then use the sticks to push the tire and also to steer the tire.  This would be hours of fun.

 They would use the coal for cooking when no one was looking as chalk to draw on the sidewalk.

They had games they would play or they would just dance and sing.

Soccer balls usually only last a couple of hours in the courtyard if you are lucky.  Because of the security glass on the top of the walls, they end up getting popped.  Smaller balls usually end up over the fence to never be seen again.

Books are great as long as a responsible adult is there while they look at it, if there is no supervision they’ll tear it apart and distribute to everyone to make airplanes or other paper toys.

They do have a television but they are rarely seen watching it or even in the house playing.  This is also because there is hardly ever anything child appropriate to watch.  From time to time a cartoon would come on but the older kids are usually watching the TV when a soccer game is on.  

  For as rough as these kids are when they play and the fact that they are playing on concrete or hard dirt, I am very surprised that there are not more injuries.  All of us American mommies would just sit and watch the kids playing and have to close our eyes for fear there would be someone finding themselves bleeding or broken.  The other adults in the home see nothing worrisome about the rough housing, it is just fine and when someone hits the concrete.  I think their knees and little bodies are so callused from playing on it that there are rarely any scratches or gashes.  They are tough little kids. 

I had a great time teaching the kids new games that they could play.  Some seemed to be great games for them and others seemed to be a bad idea for instance - red rover, not a good one.  We did walk away with some bleeding elbows and knees from that one.  They loved duck, duck, goose and ring around the rosies was a hit. 

They love to all sit around and have story after story read to them.  

  

As a surprise before I left I got Job to help me paint two hopscotches onto the concrete and some tic-tac-toe games.  I thought it would be a good surprise for when the kids woke up from their naps.  They love sidewalk chalk but it gets used up in just hours and then when it is gone, so are the games.  When they woke from their nap, we had finished and it was dry so they could play.  I taught them to play and then we played a game that took over an hour to finish!!  They LOVED it!  Even the older kids came down to challenge me in a game.  What great fun we had.  It may be the only thing that can’t get spoiled in a house fool of kids!!!

There are lots of things going on during the day.  They have their chores that they have to do.  Laundry is being done, which I will never complain about the loads of laundry I have to do again, everyday.  These aunties have 40+ kids clothes to do each day and they wash it all by hand and hang it to dry.  I had Esther show me how to do this.  I am just going to say that it looks a lot easier than it is.  The cotton items aren’t too bad but the sheets and towels or heavy clothing like jeans and such aren’t so easy.  There is a huge difference of the end results of the clothes that I washed and the ones that either Esther or Richard washed.  Our whites have never been so white!  Jason seems to think this should be a new practice in our home.  LOL!!

The aunties are also cooking and preparing for the next meal as soon as one is finished or just shortly after. 

The older kids are bathing the younger children in the back of the house, and then taking their own baths.  They are hauling water upstairs to the bathrooms, or sweeping and picking up leaves. 

A typical day would go like this:

-          5 am children are being bathed and then devotional followed by John assigning things that need to be done around the house for the day and things that the children need to work on.

-          Then breakfast

-          Then school

-          At noon they break for lunch, then they have rest time around 1 until about 3.

-          Then they put away the wash or clean up the house, and then they have playtime until dinner.  After dinner they have their baths once again. 

-          At 8pm it is Sleep time.  They are taken to their beds.

The thing that I found to be the hardest thing to deal with was the beatings (hitting each other).  There is a definite pecking order in this culture.  If you asked a child why they were crying they would most likely say “so and so beat me” Some tease and tease until they get beat in the back or upside the head.  Others just get frustrated and lash out whenever they feel like it.  It is hardly ever a younger child whooping on an older child.  The oldest is the only one allowed to “beat”.  So if you are even a day older than another child the oldest one is entitled to get whatever they want and rarely are they ever challenged.  It seems to me that this is trying to be corrected because a lot of these kids are coming home to families in the states and are told that this “beating is not allowed by mommies and daddies.”  It is going to be challenge, because they are tough little cookies and can pack a pretty big punch.  This pecking order doesn’t seem to matter between Mighty and Agbesi they just go after each other like siblings do when they are upset over something.  But it seems that this has gotten a lot better over the time that we were there.  Don’t get me wrong they still beat each other but as soon as I look at them they say sorry mommy and then apologize to each other.  This is a huge accomplishment, given the fact that it was like pulling teeth to get them to apologize for their actions.  They can just get bonked in some of the craziness in the courtyard and will cry that they have been “beat”…lol.

Going to the Beach

Emily announced to the children that after their naps on Sunday that they would be going to the beach.  I was very interested to how this was going to happen.  I wondered how we were going to get all of these kids (even the older ones) to the beach.  The kids were screaming with excitement!  This would be only the second time they have ever been to the beach.  Some may have been when their parents have come, but for a majority of them this is a HUGE treat! 

Nap-time was over and Emily called for the children to get ready and that we would be leaving soon.  It didn’t take long for all of them to be in the courtyard with their bags (most bags were saved bags from the rice that had been used and saved).  I was curious to what they had in their bags, so I asked Peter to bring me his bag and show me what he had.  He pulled out a pair of undies, and a couple pieces of wood and then a bigger chunk of wood (3x4x6 maybe) that was found in the woodpile by the bunny cage.  I asked him what the wood pieces were for.  One was to sit on and the other was to use as a kick board when he was in the water.  So creative!  There were a few of the boys who had packed similar items.  It was time to go. 

John pulled his car around and Emily started to load the back seat.  The older kids (12 and under) sat on the seat, then the ones that were a bit younger sat on their laps, then the ones that were a little bit younger than them sat on their laps, so on and so forth.  Two of the older kids (16 and up) shared the passenger seat.  I think there was about 12 or more kids in the back seat.  Not one of them was complaining that it was crowded or that they were uncomfortable.  They were all smiling and laughing with excitement for this outing.  They would drive off and drop that carload off and then return to the house for the next load (3 loads).

Finally, everyone was at the beach.  They all waited patiently for instruction from Emily where they were allowed to go and how deep they could go.  They were told that if they violated these rule that they would be done playing and would have to sit and wait for every one else to be done.  To my surprise, I can only think of a couple of the kids being told they were getting to close to their boundaries.  It wasn’t intentional, it was only because they were so excited in their playing that they found themselves a little too far from the group.  Other than that, they all stayed close and played until their little hearts were content.  It was not warm water at all and many of the kid’s jaws were uncontrollably shivering but not one of them cared.  They splashed, danced, rolled, flipped, and buried themselves in the sand and water.

Mighty is like a fish.  She was able to go out a little deeper because she is bigger so I got to watch her from a distance diving into the waves.  She loves the water.  Agbesi was one of the first ones in the water.  He was dancing, jumping, and doing some karate moves and soaking anyone who was around him.  Emily had told me that the last time they had went to the beach that he did not like it and he just stood at the edge of the water a watched the kids play.  This was not the case this time! 

At one point I looked behind me and I saw about or eight little heads, including Agbesi’s, sticking out of the sand.  They had completely buried themselves in the sand.  Pretty soon they thought it was funny to fill up their underpants with sand and walk around carrying a load!!  It was so funny.  They would run out to the water and clean off the sand and then run back to the sand and roll around so they were covered from head to toe in the stuff. 

After some time they had decided that it was no longer necessary to be wearing their swimming suits or underpants.  I would be snapping a picture and a little naked body would go running across.  After one stripped down, more and more of them decided to do the same!!  So funny! 

When it was time to go, they all took their clothes out to the water and rinsed them out and put them back on, and then off we went the same way we came.  By the time we got back to the house the kids were exhausted and hungry.  Dinner took a little bit longer this night.  I find that anytime the schedule of the kids is disrupted then they become weepy, whiney, or upset.  After they got some food in their bellies it was bedtime.  It didn’t take long at all for them to fall asleep. What a fun day!

Time to come home

This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to in my entire life.  Never in my life have felt like my heart was going to be torn out of my chest. 

It was a busy day to start.  I woke up a bit early so I could pack some things up and check out of the hotel.  Then we headed over to the house.  The kids were in school, so I went back and forth between Mighty’s class and Agbesi’s class to watch them and see what school was like for them.  They may have quite a ways to go to catch up, but they are doing their best to make sure that these kids are being prepared for the future.  It was fun to sit in their classrooms with them. 

After school they had lunch and then a Rep from our agency came to meet with me to prepare me for our I600 interview and to get all of our paperwork in order.  Then we left together to go into Accra to file the papers at the US Embassy.  Mighty and Agbesi were not happy that I was leaving and wasn’t able to stay and play with them now that they were out of school.  But they handled very well.  They kissed me goodbye and made sure that I would be coming back before I had to leave for America.  I assured them that I would be back to spend the rest of the day with them.  Then they happily said good-bye to me. 

On the way to the interview my mind was occupied with how he rest of the day would play out instead of on the filing.  Everything went good with the filing of our papers.  We had a small surprise but it is nothing that couldn’t be taken care of.  I called Jason and he said he’d take care of it – one less thing I had to worry about.

I got back to the house around 4 o’clock.  The kids were amazing the rest of the day.  They ran around and played with their friends and would run by and hug me or kiss me.  We read books, we talked, and we looked at pictures on the laptop of all of their new aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.  They loved this!  They love the pictures, but when I tell them that all of these people can’t wait to meet them and hug them…they aren’t sure they are ready for that.  So that may take some time before we throw them into meeting the extended family.  But they keep asking to see pictures of them all and want me quiz them on their names.  :-) 

I couldn’t help but to keep looking at the time.  It seemed like it was flying by.  My heart ached with every minute that passed because it just meant I was just that much closer to having to get in the car and drive away as their little hearts felt like they were being ripped out as well.  We were sitting outside under the tree just hugging and talking.  We only had about 15 more minutes before I had to leave.  Mighty covered her face and began to cry.  Just then a couple of her friends had come and knelt down in front of us.  I hugged her tightly and pulled Agbesi close to me.  He had tears running down his face.  I noticed more and more kids coming around and then I realized that John had pulled his car into the courtyard because he was going to take me to the airport.  I quickly scooped up Agbesi and Mighty and went into Kitt and Emily’s room to just have a little alone time before I left.  And because I didn’t want everyone starring at us as we were talking - more crying than talking - but lots of hugging and kissing of wet cheeks.  I told them over and over that we would not say good-bye ….we would say see you soon, because Daddy and I are coming back as soon as we get their paper work.  It would not be long and we would be together FOREVER!  I promised over and over. 

I could not help but wonder if they understood or if they were feeling some of those same feelings they had when they were brought to the orphanage by their loved ones, if my promises meant anything to them, or if they felt like they were being abandoned yet once again.  Mighty begged over and over for me to stay just a few more days.  That is when I felt my heart tear.  Then Agbesi started to sob.  He buried his little face into my neck and lost all the control that he had had up until this point.  At this point I couldn’t stand the pain.  IT IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!  We all cried together held each other.  Finally I was told it was time to go. 

I could not imagine letting go of their little bodies and walking away.  I began to plead for help from my Father.  Just moments after, I wiped my tears and calmed them enough to wipe their wet faces.  We closed our eyes and held each other quietly and we said a prayer together.  Then we walked out of the room to find most of the children and teenagers waiting by the car with my suitcases already loaded and ready to go.  We had a big group hug and kissed them all and a big “see you all soon”.  I pulled Mighty and Agbesi in one last time and then got in the car.  I couldn’t bring myself to look back. 

As I climbed into the car I found my dearest friends, Monica and Job, ready to listen and cry with me all the way to the airport.  I am so grateful for these two.  There are no words.  They were my rocks when Jason had to go home.  

I am typing this as I am on the plane ride home and I am afraid that the tears won’t dry up until I have them home.  I am so grateful for the time that we were able to have with them.  I am grateful we were able to stay as long as we did, and get to know them, play with them and learn about their culture and where they are coming from…it was hard to be gone that long from my four cuties at home, so much it was a constant ache.    I have been so blessed.  I am not sure I am deserving of the blessings that I am constantly receiving, but I am so grateful.  I know that our heart will heal where they have been torn, I know that my Heavenly Father has sent down his angels to watch over and protect each one of our kids though this process and has promised to be with Mighty and Agbesi until we return. I definitely felt of His spirit in that room as we prayed. 

I am anxious to be reunited with the four at home!!!  The water show is not over yet!!!