Ghana - Day 10

Ghana – Day 10

Today is Sunday – a day I enjoy here in Ghana.  There are so many good religious people who only wear their best African dresses.  I love the ride from the hotel to the home along the main road.  There are many people out walking to church and market, many of them proudly holding their Bibles.  There are so many colors and patterns of robes, which make the side of the road look like a giant, colorful kaleidoscope.  Ghana is a country that is very tolerant of one’s religion.  The most popular religion is Christianity followed by Muslim and tribal beliefs.  There are huge churches, which have been a labor of love for the parishioners over the last years – hand building little by little as they’ve had the money.  Sunday mornings you can hear the different church’s music and singing from many blocks away as the members praise God for their blessings.  Although their form of worship is much different than what we are used to at home, it is pleasing to my soul to hear them rejoicing and witness their smiling faces and humbling faith.  I feel blessed to be able to take part of this day’s activities.

Church at the home is supposed to start at 9:00 but this morning the children’s baths were taking a little longer than usual so we didn’t get started until around 9:30.  The services start with one of the older boys directing the group with an invocation – giving thanks to our God for the blessings of their lives.  Next, one of the older boys leads all of the children in songs.  Last week Dominic taught the group a new song – which we found out later tonight was a song he’d written specifically for the children.  I’m very impressed with their musical and creative abilities.  The children sing and dance for about a half hour until Pastor John comes in to teach his sermon.  Today Pastor John was in rare form.  He came into the parlor with one of the girl’s hair bows on and before long he was in front of the congregation playing the electric piano.  Only, most normal people would only use one or maybe two hands to play the piano – but today, John  - being a little crazed from too much sugar at breakfast maybe decided to start playing the piano with both hands AND both feet.  Everyone laughed and enjoyed watching the father of the house have fun with the children. John really is a man I continue to respect more and more as the days pass.

As the singing wound down the pulpit was passed to John for his teachings.  I had a little feeling that I was in trouble.  Maybe it was the little twinkle in his eye as he started or maybe it was the sideways smirk he gave me as he looked my way, but I knew he had something up his sleeve.  The message was on mockery – how one can mock outwardly or in one’s heart – both are an abomination to God.  He started reading in 2^nd Kings where some children were teasing Elisha because he was bald….and off we went!  It was quite funny and all of the adults ‘got’ his inside joke toward me while the children listened intently to what father John was teaching.  The message – despite it’s little innuendos – was very well delivered so that all of the children understood exactly what he was teaching.  After the services he came up and gave me a big hug and we both laughed.  I told him, "I do not like you!"

Last night and again today both of the kids have asked to talk with Grandma and Grandpa.  Their both trying to figure out the concept of what G & G is since they really don't have that here.  They're accustomed to every adult in the village being mommy or daddy, so the concept of a G & G is a little foreign to them, but they like it.  Also, they've both watched videos on the iPad of G & G with their brothers and sister.  One of their favorites is one of Tyson getting to scoop out of the money jar.  Today M & A were adimate about talking with their grandparents.  After lunch we went to a quite area and called G & G on skype so they could talk for a brief moment.  It was fun to watch them interact.  Brandie was a little put out (not really) that both kids talked more with G & G than any of the times they'd talked with us!  :-)  The connection was really terrible so they only got to talk for a couple of brief minutes before we were tired of fighting it.  Another time.  I think it was the highlight of both kid's day.

Brandie had fallen ill last night with stomach pains and cramps so this morning it was all she could do to sit through services.  She went to Kitt’s bedroom afterwards to lie down for a short time as the children ate their lunch.  She really just wanted to head back to the hotel and relax to see if this would pass.  Once the children were finished with their lunch we loaded them up and brought them back to the hotel for the afternoon.

It is interesting how the children continue to test their boundaries with their new mommy and daddy.  Today at the hotel A decided he was going to see how far he could push mommy.  There was something up on top of the bureau in the room that he wanted.  The bureau is not attached to the wall and so we were nervous about it falling over on him as he climbed like a little monkey trying to get what he wanted.  Brandie had repeatedly told him “no” and repeatedly he would stop for a couple minutes and then immediately go back to try and climb again.  I started to step in (since just like at home the children respond more quickly to dad’s voice than mom’s) and Brandie stopped me.  She said she’d started this and she needed to finish it so A would understand where his place was with her.  I’m continually amazed at how well Brandie is in tune with these things.

I sat back and watched her work with A.  Much to her chagrin, he had a different result in his mind than what Brandie did.  One last time he tried to climb the bureau.  Brandie quickly stood up, grabbed him, chewed him out, and sat him down on the bed.  He went into his pouting mode – but this time it was much different than it was in the past.  This time – he would look at and communicate with me – not with his words, but with his eyes or a head nod.  He was not pleased with mommy, but he wasn’t completely shut down.  I considered this good progress as we’ve told the children it’s OK to be upset, angry, or sad – but they must at least let us know their feelings and not just shut down.  Today, A was clearly not happy, but at least he was letting us know his thoughts…

Monica had decided to get a room at the hotel last night.  She needed the break from the home and wanted to have a place to bring her children to where they could have some alone time.  This afternoon she returned to the hotel with her three children as well.  Her middle daughter came into our room and was talking with A.  M immediately glared at her and verbally attacked her without any cause or reason.  Brandie told M she was not to speak like that and in the hotel she was now only allowed to speak English so we could understand what she was saying.  This did not please her and she (M) shut down and wouldn’t talk. 

I tried to approach her but she wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, the more I tried to visit with her or console her the more she would cry and move away.  We let her sit alone for 5 minutes or so and then Brandie went over and talked with her.  She wouldn’t talk with Brandie at this point, but she wasn’t moving away and she quit crying.  Brandie quietly talked with her – I couldn’t hear what she was saying – but it was clear that M was listening to her.  Later I asked Brandie what she talked with her about.  She said she’d gone through the spectrum of feelings M might be having and told her it was OK to feel these ways.  Brandie continued with her saying if she felt ‘this way’ then ‘that’ is what we need to do, if she felt ‘that way’ then ‘this’ is what it means.  Slowly, M opened up to Brandie and they were able to work M out of her ‘social coma’ and back into her normal self.  I was very encouraged with how Brandie handled the situation and even more encouraged that M was open to trusting her mommy and them working together to get her to calm down.  It was a very good thing.

Brandie and M sat and played a new game to M – Slap Jack.  It was fun to watch them slap and giggle as the cards slowly turned over.  M quickly understood the rules of the game and was competing very well with Brandie.  Before long, it was 4:45 and time for us to head back to the home.  We’ve wanted to keep the kids on their feeding schedule as much as possible.  We’ve also tried not to take them out to eat as much.  We realize by doing so they may have a more difficult time transitioning back into the home when we leave.  Additionally, it was costing me a fair amount and they weren’t eating all of their food.  They wanted to save it and we now have more leftover food in our fridge than water!  Heaven knows I’ve had enough rice this trip to last me the rest of my life – so you can be assured I will not be eating those leftovers!

Brandie was still not feeling well and just wanted to rest.  I offered to take the children home while she stayed at the hotel.  I told her I wouldn’t be long and would wait for the children to start eating and then I’d return.

Back at the home I asked big Richard to give me a haircut.  I was getting a little shaggy plus it’s fun to watch the older boys beam when they have something to offer.  He brought out a chair under the mango tree and went into the house to gather his tools.  They don’t have scissors here – they have no need.  The way they cut the boys hair is by taking a strait edge razor and laying it flat against the top edge of a comb.  Then they ‘comb’ the hair as the razor cuts the longer hairs that come up through the comb.  Brandie and Monica sat and took several pictures of me getting my haircut and many of the children rushed over to watch and giggle.  I’m sure they’ve never seen a daddy get his hair cut by one of the boys before.  I was honored to be the first and have this experience with one of my new best buddies – Richard.  Once he was done and made sure that I had thoroughly inspected his work in the mirror he allowed me to stand up.  I reached into my pocket and handed him 5 Cedi.  At first he refused – but I told him I’d be offended if he did not take it.  I would have to pay a barber and he did a fine job.  His time was worth money to me.  Another smile I won’t soon forget.

Around 6:00 the children’s meal was served – rice, beans, and shito.  Once the children started eating I went in to say good night to our two.  Both of them have become very accepting to us leaving and returning the next day.  They both ran up and gave me a hug and a kiss.  Both of them said they’d talk with me tomorrow and rushed back in to eat their dinner.  No tears, no drama.

Today was a good day.  We had a couple of bumps along the road today, but the bumps were progress over the days before.  We certainly don’t expect to have a perfect road ahead of us.  As parents, we’d be foolish to think that’s how any of our children’s lives would be.  We know we’ll have challenges – but as long as we’re seeing progress then we’ll be pleased.

Until tomorrow….

OH, and one more thing….Pastor John, if you’re reading this – you’d better start sleeping with one eye open!!  I’m going to bring my bald head and shaved arms over there and unleash a fury on you like you’ve never seen before.  Be afraid!  Be very afraid!!!  Pay back will be 1,000 fold!! :-)

Ghana - Day 9

Ghana – Day 9

Last night I started getting congested in my chest and coughing.  This morning I woke up to a full-fledged chest cold and feeling horrible.  I’m pretty sure it’s the same thing many of the children had when we first arrived.  I wasn’t feeling very motivated to do much of anything so we lounged around the hotel room for a few hours taking our time to get ready for the day.  Besides, I think M & A needed a little break from us too.

We’d heard from one of the others that M had refused her dinner at the home the other night because “mommy and daddy will take her to a restaurant”.  I’m not so sure that’s the best thing for them to be thinking right now.

We left the hotel just after noon and made our way for the home.  Before we could go there we needed to go by the home of Auntie M.  She’d taken two of our bags full of donations for distribution to the different homes that had needs.  We’d planned on giving out the hair bows and Superman capes to the kids today but we came up short with the capes.  We wanted to stop by Auntie M’s to make sure the remaining capes didn’t get packed in one of the donation bags…which they did.

Auntie M lives on one of the main streets where there are several vendors and taxi drivers who speed by like bats racing from hell.  We’d decided to walk to her house since it was less than a half-mile and it was a nice day.  On our walk we were greeted warmly by several of the locals who were walking as well.  Some of those ‘locals’ who greeted us was a small herd of goats.  They were grazing across the street and came rushing over near us when we came walking by…apparently, even the animals here can notice when some “obrunies” are present!

We went into Auntie M’s house and visited for about 5 minutes.  We found the capes and were excited that we now had enough for all of the boys.  As we left the house and courtyard to the street the first thing I noticed was that one of our goat friends had been hit by one of the crazy taxi drivers.  The poor thing lay dead in the road but there was no taxi driver who even bothered to stop.  I was a little irritated the person who’d killed someone’s pet didn’t even have the decency to stop and carry it to the side of the road.

Before we could go to the home Brandie had to head to the corner market to buy some of her sweet breads she’d found.  They’re little round balls of dough that are deep-fried – almost like a scone at home.  Since this is one of the few things she’s found which she actually likes to eat we’ve made it a daily routine to stop and buy some for her.  Plus, I thought it would be a good idea to change some money today since tomorrow is Sunday and the money exchanges will not be opened.

As we walked into the back courtyard of the home I expected one of two things to happen:  either we’d see a couple of pouting kids because it was almost 3:00 or we’d again be tackled like always.  Boy, was I relieved when it was the latter of the two.  The kids were as excited as always.

We sat down in the courtyard and called M & A over to us.  We told them we had some small gifts for everyone and asked if they would like to hand them out to all of their friends.  Of course, this made them feel special so they quickly called everyone out and made them line up in orderly rows.  M took the bags of hair bows and started handing them out to all of the girls.  Each girl was given two bows and immediately put them on.  Their smiles were nearly as big as the flowers attached to the bands.  The boys were equally lined up while A walked the line handing out their Superman capes.  I laughed and hollered at Pastor John “I hope you have a medical clinic near by!”  We knew it would be just a matter of time before these crazy boys decided to test out their capes by jumping off tall ‘buildings’.  Luckily, the only tall ‘buildings’ for the boys to jump off were the play equipment in the courtyard and the rabbit cage.  Even still, I took several photos of the boys flying through the air.  So much fun to watch them.  What made it made it even more enjoyable was to know that these special gifts were made from the wonderful young women from our church back in the states.  They’d heard of us traveling to Ghana and wanted to do something for the children.  They spent many hours making the bows.  The only wish I have for those girls is that they could see the smiles their hard work provided to the children here in Ghana.  Godly service truly is a blessing to the giver and the receiver.

When we’d wrapped up the gifts Ester came out of the house all dressed up in her pretty clothes.  She said they were heading to the festival (which we’d been able to hear for the last few hours) and asked if we’d like to go.  I thought it would be great to hear and see some of the local culture so we agreed.  She said that only the adults were allowed to go because it was not safe for the children.  I should have gotten a clue what we were going to when she said that.

M & A were not very amused to the fact that we’d only been there about an hour and already we were going to leave them at the home again.    I was very happy with both of them the way they handled themselves on our departure.  It was very obvious they were not in the least happy about it, but neither threw a fit or acted poorly.

Ester explained to us that this was the festival of Gah – an area and language of Ghana.  This was a festival celebrating their gods and they’re releasing them again to the ocean.  The festival was called Howmo.

As we walked with Job, Ester, and Kitt down to the main junction near the home and turned the corner I realized we were going to something much grander than I’d imagined.  Waves of thousands of people filled the street jumping, singing, and dancing.  The united motions looked like the movement of a great sea from the distance we were watching. 

We approached the crowds slowly along the side of the road watching the different costumes and dances that were throughout the crowd.  Some were pretty impressive while others were fairly revolting.  The side vendors had set up an enormous sound system and were playing various African music loudly further fueling the growing crowd.

There were different groups of people based on where they lived geographically.  There was a group dressed in red and blue, a group dressed in yellow, and a group dressed in drab green and camo.  I was a little taken aback with the camo-clad group (who called themselves the Rastas) as they openly smoked marijuana cigarettes and toted marijuana plants around with them.

One of the characters who was dressed up for the festival slowly walked by and either noticed our slightly lighter skin or that we were recording the event with our camera.  As he gradually passed Job, always the comedian, called for the man to come.  He walked up, Brandie and I stepped back, which left Kitt directly in the line of his fire.  He grabbed her and started yucking it up for the camera.  As a result, I was able to snap several pictures of Kitt in a various precarious positions with this clown dressed funnyman.  We all had a good laugh at her expense.  Thanks for being a good sport Kitt.

We returned to the house just before dark.  I didn’t want to be out after dark with the masses, who were continuingly getting more and more rowdy.  Once in the safety of the courtyard we settled in to visit with the kids.  Today we chose not to buy the children anything because we didn’t want them to get in the habit of thinking every time we were around it was only to buy them something.  We explained to them that we’d come all this way to spend time with them and not to just take them on a shopping spree.  They took it very well.

M gravitated toward me tonight.  I sat in the courtyard on one of the chairs and she came over to sit on my lap.  She laid her head on my chest and I just sat there holding her.  It was only the second time of the trip where she and I sat and talked.  We talked about her and her friends, what she wanted to do when she first arrived in America, what she thought the cold felt like, what her school would be like, and several other questions she asked.  It was quite honestly on of the most enjoyable times of the trip for me – just she and I visiting, getting to know one another and enjoying each other’s company. 

I could tell she was starting to get a little tired as she started getting lazy with her English.  Pretty soon she was done visiting and just wanted to be held.  The kids were singing a song I knew so I started singing to her.  At first she laughed because my voice was cracking (I must have caught the chest cold some of the children had when we arrived).  After giggling a little she settled in with her ear against my chest and just listened.  After 10 or 15 minutes I could hear her snoring gently.  It was so peaceful – sitting there holding one of my new babies, listening to the sounds of other children singing their songs, and thanking Father for this night. 

After a while my leg started to go to sleep so I carried her up to her bed.  Her bed is a twin mattress with a plastic cover and a single sheet.  She likes to sleep under the sheet but since she only has one sheet she’s forced to sleep on the plastic mattress cover.

Back down stairs Brandie continued playing with the kids.  She was teaching them songs and games.  A walked my way and sat on my lap and we repeated nearly the exact same process which M and I had done.  Not only did I get to sit and visit with one of them but I got to know both of them better. It was the best night we’ve had since we’ve been here.

When we went to tuck A into bed Peter asked for us to pray over them.  Brandie offered a prayer asking Father to bless these children to be protected and safe.  We prayed that their family would find them soon.

All in all, today was a great day.  One that we’ll remember for years to come.

Ghana - Day 8

Ghana – Day 8

Today we spent most of the day in Accra with the M, A, Job, and a new friend Georgette (she was the oldest daughter of Edna, the hair dresser).  When she found out we wanted to buy a cookbook of local Ghanaian recipes she told us she knew a spot and would take us there.  We went to the bookstore, which was on some back road alley downtown. We found a couple of good cookbooks and bought one.  Brandie said she wanted to go look for some African souvenirs so Georgette took us to another market that wasn’t so popular with the tourists.  There were many nice items but in the end, we didn’t want to carry them for the rest of the day.  We decided we’d return next week when the kids start up school again.

When we returned to the taxi I noticed an ice cream dispenser outside of a restaurant.  We went up and bought a cone for everyone and sat in the shade watching the traffic and people buying and selling in the market.  I enjoy watching people and their cultures.  M & A were quite funny with the ice cream.  Up to this point neither of them had ever tried ice cream before.  By the end each of them had two cones a piece (a couple of the older people couldn’t handle the sweetness and gave them each theirs).  We have some great pictures of them both showing just how much they enjoyed their ice cream.

After we were finished with the ice cream I asked Nana, our driver how far we were from the LDS temple in Accra.  He said we were not far so I asked him if we could go there.  We arrived at the temple square and drove into the parking lot.  Both Job and Georgette commented on how nice and clean the place was.  I was more impressed with the campus.  There was a large chapel on the west end, the temple in the middle, and then a dormitory on the east end with approximately 30 rooms.  In the parking lot there were three travel busses – one of them had a sign on them that the people who traveled in that bus had come from two countries away to enjoy the blessings of the temple.  Another moment in which I said a silent prayer for how grateful I am to live where we do.  We take so much for granted.

Our whole group enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere.  Brandie and I were soaking in the calming spirit that was present.  We weren’t the only ones who felt it either.  We took some photos at the front of the temple with the children and our friends.  After a few minutes we said it was time to go.  M went over and laid on one of the benches in the landscape and said some “boogidy, boo”.  I asked Georgette what she’d said and she translated that M didn’t want to go.  She said it was peaceful and beautiful.  I too would have enjoyed staying for a few hours more, but we were quickly approaching the 5 o’clock hour and we knew that if we didn’t get food into these regulated bellies soon we’d be setting ourselves up for another rough evening.

It’s amazing how these children who come from absolutely nothing hold on so tightly to anything that’s secure.  One of those items they can completely rely on while in the orphanage is their schedule.  They arise each morning at the exact same time (5:00am) and immediately have their morning devotionals, then they’re bathed by the aunties, have breakfast of tea and bread at 8:00, chores for the next couple hours, lunch at noon, dinner at 5:00, baths after dinner and in bed by 8:00pm.  It’s very consistent and regulated.  These kids hold on very tight to the consistency since they’ve never had something the could count on every day.

We were able to get them something to eat at their appropriate time and all was happy…especially mommy and daddy!!  We returned to the hotel for baths in the bathtub and a clean change of clothes.  The kids LOVE the bathtub and shower.  They’ve never seen one, let alone taken a bath in one.  It’s fun to watch them freak out in there and hear their little laughs as they enjoy something so simple.  They enjoy having clean clothes that they can call their very own.  We brought several changes of clothes for each of them (most of them were hand-me-downs from our older kids) but for them they were the coolest things ever. 

After baths we all settled down and watched the end of the Ghana vs. Swaziland soccer game (Ghana won 2 – 0).  Before the end of the game A had crawled up onto the bed with Brandie and snuggled into her.  Within 10 minutes they were both fast asleep.  It was something that did Brandie’s heart good – something that she (and he) needed to continue their bond.  M and I sat up changing between watching the game and the home videos on my iPad I’d still had loaded.  One of those videos is of the day we’d received the referral for M & A.  We were in the car on the way to Grandpa and Grandma’s house.  We stopped for fuel and turned around and told the kids.  At one point during the video when we tell the kids their new sister’s name Brinley throws up her hands and starts singer her sister’s new name.  M watched this video several times and by the end of the night was reenacting the scene over and over.

Another video both A & M love to watch is Tyson at G & G’s house getting to take out of the money jar.  My dad has a tradition with all of his grandkids.  He’s saved up for several years all of the coins he’d have at the end of each day.  He now has a big jar full of coins and for each grandchild’s birthday he lets them go in and use one hand to scoop out as many coins as they can.  Then he changes the coins into bills for each of the kids for their birthday present from Grandpa.  All of the grandkids look forward with anticipation for months prior to their birthday so they can go to his house for the money jar.

Both M & A have watched this video several times over the last week.  Yesterday A told me, as we were walking up the stairs to the hotel, that he wants to ‘grab from the bucket’.  After a moment of further questioning I understood exactly what he was talking about – he wanted to go to Grandpa’s house and have his turn at the money jar!

While were at the market today M saw a big doll in the window across the street from where we were eating ice cream.  She said, “Mommy, I want my big baby.”  She’s seen the big doll Grandma had bought for her, but we’d decided to leave it at home so it wouldn’t get lost or beat up here at the orphanage.  She’s talked about it almost every day and today was the pinnacle of her desire seeing the big dolls in that window.  Brandie explained to her once again the doll was at home and when she arrived home she could have it.  She quickly replied to Brandie, “Mommy, I want to talk with my Grandma!” as if to say – if Grandma says I can have it, then you can bring it to me!  J  She’s such a card.  They’ve never had a concept of grandparents so they’ve been very inquisitive as to how that relationship works.  We’ve done our best to help them understand but their still learning.  Today, more than once each of them told us they wanted to talk with Grandma and Grandpa.  We told them maybe on Sunday we’d try and catch them home so they could talk. 

We noticed something else with these kids today.  For the last five days we’ve taken the kids out to both lunch and dinner.  We’d noticed that each time the kids wouldn’t finish their meals.  Of course they wouldn’t throw the extras out, but would neatly package them into a box and bring them back into the fridge at the hotel.  Last night, at last count, we have 7 boxes of food in the fridge.  Now, I’ve seen both of these kids eat…and either of them can easily eat more than Brandie and I combined.  The first couple of days Brandie and I deducted that because they were getting more protein in the systems their bodies maybe didn’t need as much food.  That maybe some of it, but we realized last night the reason they’re not eating all their meal and instead bringing it back to the hotel is because they’re insuring they’ll have enough food for tomorrow.

Last night both of them ordered fufu and goat meat.  It wasn’t a huge portion but neither of them finished their meal.  M went to box up the left overs and we told her she could not take them home (this dish is extremely messy).  We told her she should finish her meal or we’d have to throw it away.  She didn’t know what to do.  In the end, she decided to just save the meat and eat the remaining portions.  When we arrived at the hotel (approximately 15 minutes later) both of them opened the fridge and pulled out a box of the left overs from the previous evening.  They ate half of the food in the box, each had a hard boiled egg we’d saved from our breakfast, and then asked for a biscuit (what they call a snack).  That’s when it dawned on us what they were up to.  I said another silent prayer that I’ve never had to feel hunger like these two little guys have and how grateful I am for Pastor John, AAI, Feeding the Orphans, The Ripley Foundation, and other organizations who work so hard to provide meals to so many kids in need.

We talked again with Mr. J to find out if we had a confirmed court date for Monday.  He said the attorney said that because the judge had taken Friday off she would be trying to make up on Monday – so we’ve been bumped back to Tuesday or Wednesday.  We don’t know what that means for Brandie’s return quite yet, but we’re still praying we can get it all completed before I leave so she can come home with me.

We heard some other good news last night.  Monica was finally able to meet with the social welfare director and get the signature she needed to proceed to court.  This was a huge battle they’ve had and we consider this a big win for them!  We’re so excited to have been here to witness how God has worked hard in their behalf.  Miracles have not ceased…

All in all, today was a great day.  There were a couple of little challenges, but we have those at home with our other kids.  We are getting a good glimpse of reality and how things will be when we get these two home.  It doesn’t lessen our desire to get them home in the least, but it does help us to understand exactly what we need to do in order to prepare the house and kids.  We have times during each day where we wonder if the revelation of this adoption was directed at the people standing next to us and we happened to step in the Lord’s line of fire by accident.  But in the end, we’ve felt His comforting hand on our shoulders helping us walk through the challenging times.  We don’t know why we’ve been asked to do this.  We don’t know what the road will look like along the way.  Quite honestly, we’ve never thought ourselves capable of doing something like this.  However, we’ve gained a concrete testimony about listening to the voice of God, being obedient and doing our best, and He will send His grace to make up the difference.  That is one thing I’ve 100% confident of….

Until tomorrow!

(Brandie writing)

I have a hard time putting my feeling onto paper.  As I start to type the water works begin to gush.  That is why I have left it all up to Jason.  I am trying so hard to keep everything at bay because when it comes I am not sure I will be able to turn it off.  ( I am a baby)J

I am so grateful that we have been so blessed with the opportunity to be here. The people here have been more than amazing!  I have loved getting to know all of the kids in the home as well as Monica and Kitt.  I Love watching our two little ones run and play.  I love watching them talk to their friends in their language and their facial expressions.  It all has not been “fun”.  There are days here that I look to the heavens and ask “Are you sure I can handle this” the answer continues to be the same “YES, I am with you.”  I know that I cannot do this with out Him.  These children have been through SO much and I am trying to learn how to be able to deal with some of the emotions that they are having or will be having due to what they have experienced in their past.  My heart breaks for them and what is going through their little minds.  I know that there are days ahead that will be HARD!!!  I know that there will be days ahead that will be AWESOME!!  There will be days that I will just want to break down and cry, and days that will come that we will laugh so hard that we will cry!!  Scared…yes.  Excited…yes.  Worried…..yes,  Anxious….yes,  you name it I am feeling it.  My heart aches in this tug of war.  I am missing my children at home and my heart aches with the thought of leaving our sweet children here for the next couple of months.  But in this time we will be able to better prepare for when they come home.  I KNOW that all will be well and that we are not alone.  Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and your prayers for us, we have enjoyed reading your comments and messages.  It is a little piece of home for us.  We are having the time of our lives here and enjoying it all!! It has been an experience that I will NEVER  forget.   

Ghana - Day 7

Ghana – Day 7

I can not believe we’ve been here for a week already.  On the one hand time has flown by, but on the other hand, it seems like we’ve been here forever.  We’ve made some lifelong friends who we’ve felt like we’ve known since the beginning of time.  While we’re still learning each other’s buttons and personalities, it feels like we’ve known our kids for years.  There is such a comfort with them around – nothing akward or forced.  I consider this a great blessing.

This morning I found out that yesterday I didn’t get enough sun block on my white, bald head while we were swimming and I woke up to a painful sunburn.  The sun is so much more powerful here and I haven’t done a very good job of wearing the hat I brought with me.  Although, after the first couple days watching all of the children in the home pass it around and try it on (several of them with ringworm which runs rampant here) I’m not so sure the hat will make the return flight to the US…

Pastor John called this morning and said he would be at the hotel to pick us up.  He was coming over to make a reservation for another family coming in on Sunday.  The Miller family (we’ve not yet met them or know who they are) are coming in to attend court for their one boy.  It seems by the end of the week there will be a pretty good contingency of obrunies here!!  Shoot, two more white people here will almost DOUBLE our population!

We rode to the home with Pastor John and his driver, Nana.  Nana was our driver the night we tried to see if a Corrolla could fit under the trailer of a semi-truck (unsuccessfully, by the way).  It was fun to listen to John rib Nana about his driving skills.  Nana seemed to take it all in stride and not get too ruffled about it.

Once we arrived at the home we were again greeted in similar fashion as every other day.  I love to see that the children don’t tire of seeing us and still flash their big smiles and run our way when they see us.  M & A still try and tackle us when we arrive.

This day we’d told M we would go and get her hair done.  Around 11:00 we walked out the gate for the roadside hair dresser.  M had seen a little girl in the pool yesterday who’s hair she really liked.  I’d taken some pictures for reference to give the hairdresser.  The first gal we stopped at said she did not know how to do the hair this way and told us of another gal a couple blocks away.  She could obviously tell the look of confusion in our eyes as she gave us directions.  True to Ghanaian form she offered to walk us down and introduce us to the lady.  I’m so impressed with these people.  They truly are some of the most pleasant, nice people I’ve ever encountered. 

We arrived at the hairdresser’s home, which was directly adjacent to another orphanage.  The kids next door could hear some commotion happening next door and were curious to the new voices and weird accents they could hear.  Within ten minutes the sturdy tree in the corner of their courtyard was filled with little children curiously looking on.  The hairdresser was the first to notice the kids and giggled as she said, “Look at the little monkeys”.  (Side note:  That comment in the US could probably be considered to be racist, but here – there doesn’t seem to be any hint of racial struggle, which is a comfort).  The kids were very cute and very polite – simply sitting and watching as we sat there.

Funny thing about doing black girl’s hair – I thought we’d be at this lady’s house for two, maybe two and a half hours while she braided M’s hair.  Any of you that personally know me know how patient I am sitting in one place for long periods of time – so you can only imagine the amount of ‘ants in my pants’ by the time hour four started.  I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, but I patiently sat listening to the conversations and watching in awe as the lady did her fancy work.  It really was impressive.

About an hour into the process the kids started getting hungry.  Job (one of the boys in the home) suggested we go to market and buy them some food.  Brandie said she would stay with the children while he and I ran.  “A” is a daddy’s boy, spending a big chunk of his time with me.  He was not too pleased that he was having to stay with the girls, but I was concerned about filling our hands full of items from the market and trying to carry or walk with him home.  I explained to him we’d be right back and I’d bring him some food.  He looked like he’d understood and was OK with us leaving – not impressed, but still OK.

When Job and I returned to the home A was sitting on Brandie’s lap and both of them had ‘that look’ on their face.  It was obvious A had another blow up while we were gone and Brandie was trying her best to deal with it.  We are currently in a very sticky situation – legally we have no rights to the children until after court.  This is why we must have someone with us from the orphanage at all times, for our protection and the kid’s protection.   Brandie was doing her best to create a “time in” (a time where he’s just held and loved – rather than a time out where he’s put down by himself.) – she’s really done a great job studying and knowing how to react to these types of situations.  I’m grateful to have her along.

This little pouting session was bad enough that even Job (one of the kid’s favorite people) couldn’t get him to snap out of it.  Job even called Pastor John and held the phone up to A’s ear – nothing.  Job left for a few minutes and when he walked in Pastor John was with him.  I couldn’t help but giggle a little as A looked up and saw him – at that moment it was clear who was the boss.  I was so impressed with John.  He walked up to A and sternly said, “A – boogidy, boogidy, blah, blah, boogidy, bo.” (I tease John and tell him that’s what it sounds like to me – in reality he was talking to A in Ewe).  It was like John had magic in his voice.  A slowly walked over to Brandie and gently whispered “sorry”.  John told him to come and apologize to me as well.  As A walked my way he broke down and started sobbing.  He knew he was not acting well but he was only trying to deal with the confusion he was feeling inside.  It was a tender moment.  I looked at Brandie and true to her loving motherly nature, her heart was breaking for this little boy trying to figure out his new place in his life – tears streamed down Brandie’s pretty cheeks.  She was embarrassed to have cried in front of John (since it’s seen as a weakness in Ghana to show emotion) but it was pleasing to me to see her love for this child who physically we’ve only known for 7 days.  Everyday she amazes me…plus, she’s pretty hot too!  J

Once everything calmed down I visited with John.  I first asked him to teach me the ‘boogidy, bo’ he’d just used – I wanted to use that on my kids at home!!  We both laughed.  I querried him trying to glean understanding from his experience.  He said he’d never seen A act like this and it was his belief that he was acting this way because he was trying to get attention.  His suggestion was that if it happened again to just ignore him – and when he snaps out of it, then give him the attention he needs.  I’m convinced it might be an attention-getter, but I’m not so convinced that ignoring him is going to be the solution.  This is a little boy who has felt ‘being ignored and left’ I don’t want him EVER to feel like we’re going to do that to him.  The truth is, we never really know what to do, but we have faith in the Lord that he will grant us wisdom when we need it most.  I know this is just another trial Father has blessed us with.  We will be stronger and better parents once we’re able to work through it.  We did make a little progress with him today.  There was only about ½ hour of ‘bad’ time while the rest of the day was wonderful.  Brandie and A had a great time playing while M had her hair done.  They played Kung-fu theater, chasing each other around Karate chopping each other.

Four and a half hours later M’s hair was done and looked beautiful.  She was so happy and excited to show her friends.  As we left the lady’s house she said smiling big, “Thank you mommy and daddy for doing my hair!”  It was a good thing.

One thing we noticed when we returned to the home was that there was something going on between M and her best friend D.  D had been hanging around with us all for the last several days but today she was standoffish and wouldn’t make eye contact.  Brandie and I knew what was going on so Brandie asked M what she had said to D.  You see, the kids here are so possessive of their mommy and daddy.  If they feel ANY pressure that mommy or daddy are giving more attention to someone else they feel threatened and react in the only way they know how.  We’re certain M went to D and told her to back off (in many more pointed words).  We told M she was the one we’d chose to come home with us, that we loved her, and that she needed to not treat her friends poorly.  Talking with D we told her we were excited she’s going to be living by us and that we loved her too.  We’re hoping that tomorrow they’re able to mend the fence and everyone feel secure about their new roles.  Such a confusing time for these little guys.

At 5:00 we told the children we had a meeting with Mr. J, our AAI representative here in Ghana.  We were meeting him for dinner to discuss where our file was in the process.  We decided against taking the children with us.  Neither of them were happy we weren’t taking them, but we assured them both we’d be back in time to tuck them into bed.  A is so worried that we’re leaving soon he asks several times a day if I’m going to the airport.  I reassured him we were still here for a few days and I would tell him when I was going to the airport.

Our meeting with Mr. J went very well.  He’s a very enjoyable man with great understanding of Ghanaian culture, politics, and economics.  We had a great discussion over a beautiful dinner setting right next to the breaking ocean as the sun went down.  Of course, this was the ONE TIME the whole trip I’d decided to leave my camera home!  Mr. J told us our documents had all been signed by Social Welfare and that our court date was scheduled for tomorrow.  We were exctatic!  Then he quickly said, “But on my way here to meet with you the attorney called me and said the judge wasn’t feeling well and so she’s not coming in tomorrow.”  So, at this point it looks like our court appearance will be Monday.

We talked about timeline with Mr. J.  I told him we’d love it if we were able to have court, get our decree back and file our I600 before I left next Friday (this is a big undertaking since the decree will typically take up to 4 weeks to get back).  Mr. J said he would see what he could do and told us to schedule with the US Embassy an appointment for next Thursday for our I600 application.  We’re keeping our fingers optimistically crossed that we’ll be able to keep this timeline.  If we do, Brandie will get to return with me back to the states.  This would shorten her trip a week, save us some money, and get her back to her kids in the states.  A good thing all the way around.  We’re praying that Father will do his will and that hopefully that is for us to return to the states together.

After dinner we returned to the home to find two happy little kids just as excited to see us this time as they were the first time.  M ran and jumped into my arms so hard that I had to take a couple of steps back so I didn’t fall.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get tired of seeing those smiling faces run and jump into our arms.  We tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight.  As I left the boys room my new little buddy Peter (I would take him and Richard both home with me if I had room – I love those two boys!) said, “Daddy, pray over us.” I said, “OK, let’s say a prayer.  Peter, I would like you to say it.”  He said, “I can’t.” as he slinked back underneath his mosquito net.  I said to him, “What do you mean you can not?  Do you not think God will hear the voice of His little children that He loves?”  Peter thought for a moment and said, “OK, I will do it.”  He said a soft, simple prayer asking for protection on the children of the home and his mommy and daddy.  There is no doubt in my mind that prayer went straight through the ceiling and right into a special place in heaven.  I joined with Peter in my heart that night asking that God please bless these sweet little children and others just like them.

After the children were tucked in we went out to the courtyard with Monica, Kitt, and John to visit.  As we were talking something fell from the tree and nearly hit Pastor John.  I bent down to pick up a mango seed that had obviously been chewed on.  I could see the teeth marks and all of the fruit had been removed.  John looked at me and said, “Bats.”  I asked Monica to fetch my headlamp (she’d been borrowing to spotlight rats in the night!) and I scanned the tree branches until I found the glowing eyes of the culprit.  These fruit bats are HUGE!  It looked like a flying cat!  Luckily, they don’t eat meat!!  J

Emotions today:

-       We love being here with these kids.  It truly has been a little piece of heaven on earth.  I feel so close to the Savior as I sit in the midst of these children and see their smiling faces, minister to their little needs, and help them feel love.  At the same time, the longing for our four kids at the house grows hour by hour.  We miss them immensely and even though we know they are being tended to well by our dear family, we still want to hug and kiss them.  We love you kids.  We’ll be home soon.

-       My heart aches as we get closer to the day when we have to go to the airport.  A knows this is coming and with every time he asks it becomes a little more obvious to me how difficult this will be to them and us.  I think they understand we will return for them, but as we all know – children have a very short attention span.  I’m grateful our friends Kitt and Emily will be here for them when we leave.  That gives us a little comfort knowing they’ll be loved on.

-       Empathy for these kids.  They’ve been through such tragedy with the loss of their families.  Even though their culture tells them to be strong – the emotional breakdown A had today is evident there is still deep rooted pains these little guys will deal with.  They know we love them, but that can’t replace the ache they still have in their hearts.  No child should have to deal with that…life can be cruel.

-       Humility.  Each day I’m here I can’t help but thank God that He would trust us enough to be here and bring home two of these little kids.  I’m humbled that He thinks we can do this.  I’m humbled that we were privileged enough to live where we do and to have two parents and a loving family that were always there to support me.  I’ve taken for granted many times this fact for which I’m immensely sorry.

Ghana - Day 6

Sorry for the delay on getting this post out.  We had internet issues last night and throughout today...but we're back.  On with the show....

Ghana Day 6

Well, I knew it was just a matter of time.  I mean, it’s only been something I’ve been dreading about since I knew we were to adopt.  Even before we knew who the kids were I was afraid of this day and I guess in my naïve thinking was hoping maybe, just maybe we’d be lucky and not have it show up.  But it did and today was the day it decided to be.  I’m talking about the day when I’d look to heaven and ask, “Are you sure this is something WE can do?”

I remember quite a few years ago I was listening to one of the leaders in our church talk about parenting.  A mid-aged mother raised her hand and said, “You know, I’ve been truly blessed.  I’ve never had a child stray from the Lord, or get into mischief, or have any run-ins with the law.  In fact, I can’t recall one single fight any of my children have ever had.”  I was a little taken aback at the boldness of this lady and waited to hear what our leader had to say.  I’ll never forget his response, “Well, it is my belief that the Lord sends the difficult children to the parents he can trust.”

I don’t know if that’s the truth or not, but I’ve often wondered if it IS true, then what Brandie and I were doing to deserve the four kids we have.  They really are the best kids a parent could hope for and rarely do any of them have a bad day – a bad hour or maybe a bad couple of hours, but never a bad day.  Did we do something or were we NOT doing something to cause the Lord to not trust us?  That was constantly something I was concerned with.  After today, I’m wanting to reconsider my thought process.

“A” had a really bad day.  And when I say “really bad day”, I mean a “time out in the morning, tantrum mid-morning, hitting, kicking, and biting mom in the evening” REALLY bad day.  It was the first day we’ve had to go back to the memory bank and draw on the memories and feelings the Lord had given us to confirm this was something we were to do….because there were times today that we wanted to just throw up our hands and say ‘to heck with it!’  Of course, we’d never do that, but it was very frustrating.  We realized today there are some deep inter-struggles the little guy is having to try and reconcile within himself.   I can’t imagine going from a family to being dropped off at an orphanage – then having some people from a far away land come who talk different, look different, act a little different, eat different foods, wear different clothes, and have different rules than what I’ve been used to.  Worrying about acting correctly around them, making sure they ‘like’ me, or how long are we going to ‘drag this out’ before I get dropped off again.  The pain these little guys are dealing with absolutely breaks my heart.

When we arrived at the home this morning A had already spent a little time in time out because he’d ‘beat’ another boy in the home.  We quickly swooped up M & A along with Monica and her three kids to come back to the hotel for some alone time.  At the hotel A decided to start acting like a little turd.  Throwing toys at the other kids, breaking toys deliberately while giving either Brandie or I the “what are you going to do about it” look, and then going into one of his “I’m not going to talk with anyone” fits.  We decided we all needed a break so we decided to take the kids swimming.  There’s a pool at the nice Ramada hotel down at Coco Beach resort.  I went and called a cab and when we returned to pick up the girls Brandie said, “You deal with him.” and pointed her head toward A who was up against the wall with his arm crossed.  I bent down and reminded him we’d talked about using his words to tell us what was troubling him so we could help him.  Nothing.  I picked him up and went to the taxi – he started kicking and acting a-fool.  During the ride he finally stopped bucking enough where I could talk with him.  I told him, “I do not like the way you’re acting.  I love you and I always will – even when you’re acting like you are now.  But we do NOT act like this in our home and you need to stop right now.”  At that point he took off one of his flip-flops and tossed it out the window of the moving taxi.  I took a deep breath as the driver stopped the car and while getting back into the car from running into on coming traffic to get the shoe, I said a little prayer asking Father to inspire me what to do.

At the pool he decided to start acting like we’d known him up to this point.  We all swam and had a great time.  M is a fish and didn’t want to get out of the water.  If it were up to her we’d still be there.

We came back to the hotel afterwards to get the kids bathed, dressed and something to eat.  I ran down to the store for some take out and when I walked back into the room I could have cut the tension with a knife.  Brandie gave me a very brief introduction into what she’d just went through so I sent everyone in the room down to the courtyard to eat while A and I had a little one-on-one talk.  He tried to pull some of the same stuff with me as he had with his mom, but I promptly let him know that would not be tolerated.  He continued so I put him on the bed for time out and let him know again that while I loved him I would not permit him to hit his mommy – she’s my wife and you will not hit her.  I told him to sit in time out until he wanted to use his words to talk with me – until then I’d be on the other side of the room reading a book.  Long story short, he finally snapped out of it and we were able to go downstairs with the rest of the family and enjoy a nice meal with the A we know finally back.

Back at the orphanage he asked if I could ‘take’ him for a little while (which in Ghana talk means hold me for a little while).  I took him down underneath the mango tree and just held him, telling him we’ll always be together, that we’ll never leave him once he’s home, and that our family loves him very much.  We rocked and hugged for about a half hour until he fell asleep.

I know this little spirit was just trying to figure life out today.  I know there will be more days ahead just like this one.  I have faith that Father will provide us with the wisdom to know when and how to act.  We’ve been given very good resources and some of the best friends in the world.  But with all of that – we’re still scared.  We know God will provide since we’re being obedient – but these are all very human feelings we’re having.

I promise we’re not being negative or are thinking anything but positive thoughts.  We’re still as excited as ever to get these two little sweethearts home, but at the same time – I’m a realist.

OK, enough about that.  I’ll get my counseling session with Anita soon enough.  J

We did have some other experiences today that worthy of noting.  Like, for the second day in a row we got into a car accident.  That’s always fun.  We were headed back from the home to the hotel and our cabby didn’t realize he had as much weight in his 1985 Toyota Corolla – I mean she was a beaut – but she just didn’t have the stopping capacity needed.  WHAM!  We smacked into the car in front of us.  The driver of the front car got out to meet the cabby.  They both looked over each car, shrugged and got back into the car.  And away we went.  No harm, no foul.  I couldn’t help but laugh.

On a positive note – M has continued to make huge strides.  She’s responding to our rules very well and we haven’t had anymore pouting parties for quite some time.  Today while getting into the bathtub she slipped and smacked her shin on the tub.  She came in and hid half her body under the bed (it was pretty funny from my perspective – I’ll I could see was a nekkid little black bum sticking out from beneath my bed).  My first thought was, “Oh boy, here we go again.”  I pulled her out from beneath the bed and asked her what was wrong – no answer.  I asked her again and said, “M, remember – use your words.”  She snapped right back in and told me her leg was paining her.  We rubbed it together, I kissed it better, then she walked back into the bathroom.  I was very proud of her.  I knew she wanted to react differently, but she’s trying to make adjustments and it’s being noticed.

We had a wonderful time at the pool with our good friend Monica and her three kids.  It was very refreshing to watch the kids play in a ‘kid’ setting and react just like all of our other kids.  It was also very nice to have all of the locals not give us “obrunies” (that’s their word for the whites) any funny looks.

We have been so blessed.  This has been the experience of a lifetime – even without the opportunity of meeting our sweet little children.  The Spirit has touched my heart so many times during this trip I couldn’t even begin to list the experiences of my heart.  I now have a very strong testimony about how much the Savior loves children and why in the scriptures it refers several times that we must become like little children.  God loves these little children – I have been blessed to see His love through my mortal eyes and to feel His love through my spiritual eyes.

“Firsts” of my life thanks to this trip:

1.    -    I’ve never had a cabby take a small detour while taking us home so he could pick us his “Girl” – only to cut another driver off, get chewed out, backup to try and pick a fight with the other driver, and then fight in some gibberish language we don’t understand with his “Girl”.  We made it home safely, but I’m starting to wonder if they make an insurance policy I can take out for taxi rides.  These guys take nutty to a whole new level!!

2.    -    I’ve never been the minority race – anywhere.  Until today I’d only seen two other white people this week.  Honestly, although though it’s fairly noticeable that my skin color is slightly lighter than others around me down here, I’ve never felt uncomfortable.  I think that’s a HUGE tribute to the people of Ghana and their culture of being the friendliest people on earth.

3.    -    I’ve never seen adults wear their underwear into a public swimming pool and have it be completely acceptable.  I don’t care where you are in the world – that’s just weird!

4.     -   I’ve never seen a good game of Rat Hockey.  That was one of my favorite firsts.

5.    -    Never had it be acceptable to eat with my hands anywhere – let alone in public.  In fact, some of the restaurants don’t even provide utensils.

6.    -    Never had to sleep on a bed without any blankets or top sheet, just a pillow.

7.     -   Never accidently swallow a “HOLY HELL” pepper and feel like my body was going to catch fire from the inside out.

Ghana - Day 5

Day 5

Today was another great day…starting off with getting to sleep in until just after the hotel boys brought up our breakfast to the balcony.  I think my body was screaming out for rest between trying to catch up from the lack of sleep on the plane, the late nights since we’ve been here, and each emotionally/physically draining day.

After we were ready to leave the hotel we walked down to the corner and caught a taxi to the home.  The hotel is about 2 km from the home and we could easily walk – but since I sweat like a pig in this humidity just THINKING about walking – I choose the ride!  One thing we learned very quickly is that in Ghana EVERYTHING is negotiable….even the cab fares.  There are no meters so it is important before getting into the car to make sure the cabby knows exactly where you want to arrive and how much the fare will be to get there.  From our hotel to the home, most fares have been 3 or 4 Cedi.  I’ve made a rule that if the cabby asks for 4 – I’ll give him 4.  If he asks for 5 – I make him take 3!  I figure 4 is the upper end of the price I’m willing to pay and if they’ll ask that amount I’ll believe them to be fair on their pricing.  If they ask for 5 I believe they see “American” and think they can pull one over on us.  That’s just my silly way of justifying it.  *Smile*  Plus, in speaking with the cabby I know the extra 1 Cedi I may be paying will mean much more to them than it will to me.  Not that we’re made of money, but their margins of operations are so thin that the 1 Cedi I give him may made the difference between breaking even or making money that day.  I asked our cabby last night what their costs were to operate the car.  They pay a $25/day rental to the owner plus have to make up the fuel (which is 30/35 Cedi a day) – so their total cost is 60 Cedi a day BEFORE they start making money.  At 3 or 4 Cedi, that’s 15 fares before they even make a cent.  That’s a busy, busy day to make a living.

We arrived at the home just after noon today.  Part of that was because we needed a little personal time to rest and be alone, but the other part of that was we’re wanting M & A to continue to build their trust in us.  We want them to understand that when we say we’ll be back, we will be back.  It already tears my heart to think of the day in the next couple weeks when we have to leave them here when we return home.  I ache for them and the thoughts that will go through their minds – will they really come back for me?  Was I ‘good’ enough they’ll want to take me home? – silly questions for an adult, but for an orphan child I’m sure they’re common thoughts.  We want them to know we’ll be back. 

One of the highlights of each day for me is to walk through that back gate and sneak into the courtyard.  The looks on all the children’s face when they see us is something I’ll use to help me through difficult days for years to come.  Today, M was the first child who saw us when we walked in and A was the second.  M ran for mommy and A ran into me so hard I about fell backwards.  There are fewer things in life more rewarding than a child’s smile and trusting embrace.

Pastor John and his wife, Irene's precious little girl, Johanna - 3 weeks old

M's latest idea for a sock puppet

Two hands, different colors, same family

The children were just finishing up their lunch.  Today they had spaghetti and red sauce, which they seemed to really enjoy (A had sauce all over his face and sweater – yes, I said sweater…we brought it for him to use in the hotel and he hasn’t taken it off since).  After they ate we sat in the courtyard and played with the kids.  Brandie and I had brought a couple of Nerf footballs with us so we pulled those out and I taught the boys how to throw an American football. It was fun to watch them try to figure it out.  Brandie pulled out fingernail polish and painted the girl’s fingernails and toenails.  Some of the boys wanted to get theirs painted as well and were a little put out that we told them ‘boys don’t do that’!  We improvised and pulled out a pen and started drawing talking faces on the boy’s hands (you know, the one where you put your thumb and index fingers together, draw eyes and a nose on the side of the of your index finger knuckle and then draw lips on the inside of your thumb and index finger).  The boys got a kick out of this and it was a good follow up to the puppets from yesterday.  They all chased each other around softly punching each other in the mouth.  I may have encouraged that (inadvertently of course) buy saying to Peter (in my raspy puppet voice), “Petah, geeve mee a keeesss!!” and then chasing him around with my hand puppet until I could ‘get him’.  All of the kids laughed and laughed and then started chasing each other around the court.  I love that such simple things will bring happiness to these children.  They haven’t had the business and ‘things’ of the world to warp their view of fun.  Sad to think how our kids at home would be bored with some of the things the kids here enjoy the most.  Damn the Wii and TV (except when BSU football or Sports Center is playing – then it’s blessed)!!

As we played in the courtyard the older boys came back from the market.  Our new friend Kitt had gone with them for the experience.  It was fun to listen to her tell the stories about what she’d seen, smelt and heard.  As the boys unloaded the car I could see they had bought a good amount of food for the days ahead and it made me feel good these little mouths would have enough to eat for the next little while.  Kitt had made sure they had sufficient money to buy some fruits and vegetables, which are a rare treat for these kids.  One of the items was a little watermelon.  If I had to use one picture to define ‘joy’ a picture of these kids eating watermelon and spitting the seeds at each other would be the one I’d use.  So much fun.

Around that same time our good friend Monica arrived back at the house with her three kids and John.  They had gone to town to meet with the Social Welfare directors about getting their adoption signed off.  I could immediately tell by the look on her face that the meeting hadn’t turned out the way she’d wanted.  She was discouraged, frustrated, and a little angry – all completely justified feelings in my book.  She’s been her for two weeks waiting/hoping/praying they could get to court and this was just one more hurdle for them.  We encouraged her to be strong and have faith.  She’s been such a support to us, it was only fitting we have the opportunity to return the favor.  Her and her husband are good people with good hearts and are following God’s will to get these kids home.  We’ll keep praying with them to see the miracles of heaven open for their favor…I know it will happen.

Today was the day we’d promised all of the older girls we’d take them to the cultural center and buy them new dresses.  The cultural center is like a big open flea market where all of the local artisans bring their goods in to be sold.  Most of the items there are souvenir in nature and the people there are EXTREMELY high-pressured sales.  This made the people in Tijuana and Cancun, Mexico seem like school children.  We were only there for a little over a half hour and it was nauseating.  Thank goodness Richard (big Richard, no little Richard) and Nana were with us.  They acted as our shields and kept us focused on why we were there.  We found the stall we like that had the dresses the girls were looking for.  I was so pleased that these girls didn’t shop like our American girls!  (only kidding!)  They looked at a few different styles and types of dresses and made their selections.  We found a handsome shirt and trouser set for A in a neat African pattern so we included that in the bunch as well.  Richard and Nana started in on the negotiations with the vendor.  In the end, we bought 4 dresses and a boy’s outfit for 90 Cedi (about $60).  They were all so beautiful and so proud of their new dresses.  It will be fun to see them all on Sunday when they get to wear them with pride.

We got back to the car and started making our way back to the home.  The cultural center was near downtown Accra, which was only 15 – 20 km from the home.  None of us realized we were leaving right around their rush hour.  OH MY GOODNESS!!  This was a lesson in patience if I’ve ever seen one.  It took us nearly two hours to travel home.  Cars were cutting in front of others, jetting out into intersections, and speeding through side streets to make it to the next corner before the rest of the drivers.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Even the 405 in Los Angeles doesn’t compare to what we saw…at least the drivers on the 405 are all headed THE SAME WAY!! 

There were some things we had to deal with on the way home.  One of those was the taxi overheated so we had to pull into a station and buy some more antifreeze – the Ghanaians call this ‘oil’.  It just so happened that the place we stopped at was adjacent to the only ‘fast-food’ place I’ve seen since we’ve been here.  It was called Chicken – something or other (I don’t remember now).  By this time it was after 6:00 and I knew we were approaching that nightmare hour where M & A would return into their bi-polar trance if we didn’t get food in their stomachs.  As soon as the driver stopped I jumped out of the car and rushed over to the chicken shack to buy a 5-piece bag of chicken for 10 Cedi (Boy, Colonel Sanders would be out of business!!).  Back at the car I handed each of the kids a piece of chicken to which they gratefully devoured and we were safely able to avert another emotional meltdown.

We arrived back at the house around 7:00.  The plan earlier in the day was to get with Monica and her three kids to all go into town to a restaurant that served American food.  Monica decided not to go and Kitt gladly took her place.  We all piled back into the taxi and headed back to Accra.  On the way we had an interesting experience.

It was now dark and because of the traffic our taxi driver was making his way along the winding dirt back roads.  As we approached one small intersection an 18-wheel truck pulled out into the intersection going to make a left-hand turn towards us.  We were trying to turn right onto the road from where the truck was coming…the only problem was there wasn’t enough room for both of us and WHACK!  The last set of the trailer tires ran up onto the bumper of our car.  Immediately the cab driver and several men standing on the corner started yelling.  This created quite a chaotic moment.  M was sitting on Brandie’s lap in the center of the back seat while I was sitting to the right of her next to the open window.  As the arguments in Twi escalated and the taxi and truck both revved engines and grounded rubber trying to untangle the wreckage M started to have a panic attack.  She started moaning nervously and struggled to climb out the window.  She was legitimately frightened.  I had my hand on her chest restraining her from climbing out the window.  It was all I could do to hold her strong sinewy body from breaking free.  Her little heart was racing wildly and her eyes were those of a racehorse right before a big race – she was scared to death.  I held her and kept telling her in her ear, “M, you’re OK.  Daddy will protect you.  You’re fine, nothing will hurt you.”  Finally we were able to convince her she was in no immediate danger.  Once calmed her poor little body trembled in aftershock of the ordeal.  I’ve never seen real fear in a child before then.  I wondered silently what must have happened in her past to invoke such a reaction to something as seemingly trivial as this.  It was obvious to me something was there – and she has experienced real fear before.  I held her tight against me for the rest of the ride in and reminded her we loved her and wouldn’t let anything harm her.

The cheeseburger and fries were nothing special by American standards…but this night it was a little slice of heaven on a dish!  It was such a melting pot of meals at this place.  Brandie, Kitt and I all had cheeseburgers while M and D had rice and chicken, A had Banku with Chicken, and Richard had chicken and tried French fries.  All of the kids liked the French fries (American fries as Tyson would remind me!) and we gave each a bite of the cheeseburger, but that wasn’t as popular.  Each of them wrinkled their nose and spit it out (we had to catch M before she quickly tried to spit it out on the floor again!).  :-)  It was a fun meal.  Extremely pricy by Ghanaian standards (110 Cedi for 7 meals, which would be about $70), but still a fun experience.

It was a great day today.  We made continued progress with trust and bonding with M & A.  We didn’t have any blow-ups, fights, or emotional breakdowns.  We did have the little incident with M, but I don’t blame her for this.  She was merely reacting to something that obviously stimulated a memory or fear.  It was truly a good day.

One thing Brandie is starting to struggle with is the emotions pulling her between wanting to be with her babies at home and be here to complete what needs to be done here.  This is starting to wear on her emotionally and I’m sure will only get worse as the days go on.  We talk with the kids each night via Skype and realize how much we miss them every night.  We’re SOOO grateful for our dear friends who have stepped in to help us with the kids at home.  It’s so comforting knowing we have nothing to worry about, but at the same time – it’s hard to not squeeze and love on them, to tuck them into bed, read them a story, and kiss them goodnight.  Soon enough, we’ll all be under the same roof and we’ll have six little faces to kiss each night.  God willing.

Things we need to work on still:

1.     Pee breaks.  No matter how many times I’ve seen it here – I still squirm when one of the kids jump out of the car and pees right on the side of the road.  No cover and just looking around like they were waiting on a bus.  At one point both M and D were squatting less than 5 feet from the car while I paced back and forth waiting for them to finish.

2.     Dinner etiquette.  Brushing food and spitting things on the ground are normal in the home here, but that may be frowned upon when we’re back at home.  Maybe just a little…

There are others, but those are saved for a later post.

Talk with you tomorrow.